holding hands

How humiliating!  I had to hold my husband’s hand as we walked to the car this morning.  Now we’ve been married and I have held my dear husband’s hand for 63 years with pleasure, many miles I’m sure and enjoyed each mile of it, but that was when I didn’t have to hold his hand.  I assure you there is a vast difference in holding hands and in having to hold hands.

Situation was this:  My eighty-six year old husband, Sammy,  and I went out to eat breakfast at the Mason Lodge Fundraiser for the Senior Center.  The following is reason for my agitation.

  1. We went in separate vehicles. I didn’t care about where he parked because he is fit as a fiddle and runs most anywhere he goes.
  2. I did care about where I parked. Had to go to the back forty to find a place.  I got out of the car, couldn’t even see the entrance door so I looked at my cane over in the passenger seat.  Looked for the entrance again.  It hadn’t moved any closer.  Looked at the cane in the passenger seat again.  Could I manage without it?  Which is preferable:  to waddle with a cane, or to double-waddle without it?
  1. I remind myself I’m at a fundraiser for Senior Citizens. Surely others will have canes.  My “without-cane” waddle is pretty bad and besides I might fall.  I take the cane.
  2. Yes, there were others with canes. That made it worse.  They were all old people with canes and waddles, some even had a waddling canes!  What if younger people saw me with them!  My hair is not gray.  Maybe they would think I was post accident not pre accident.  If I had borrowed Sammy’s workout jacket, they might think I had just stretched a muscle.
  3. I ditched the cane on the back of a chair as soon as I found an empty one. It was much more age appropriate for me to hang onto the back of all the chairs as I waddled to the food line.
  4. I believe holding a full plate of biscuits, gravy, eggs, hash-browns, pancake, and sausage strengthened me. Fortified by the outlook of food and with the determination that I was not going to drop that plate, I was able to walk slowly and gracefully back to the chair where my cane waited unused.  At least I walked slowly and steadily—didn’t want to jiggle my food together.
  5. Friends sat with us. Good food.  Good visiting.  I only asked Sammy to go for one refill of gravy for me.  He hopped right up, got a bowl of gravy for me.  I shared it with him and a friend.  Others might not have noticed that he was getting the gravy for me.
  6. Finally it is bye-bye, time to go. After friends left, I retrieved the cane and headed down the aisle.  With cane in my right hand, Sammy took my left.  We both tried to ignore the cane.  Before we left, a friend gave me a gift of a candle.  Sweet of her but I didn’t have a third hand!  Sammy had two hands  – one free of me so he carried the candle in it.  He went to my car with me—he walked, I waddled, but I was able to keep my cane from waddling.

True to our sixty-three years together, he assured himself that I was safely in the car, kissed me bye, and dashed back to his vehicle.  I surely must have done something right.  I made no mistake when I fluttered my eyelashes at him when I was eighteen.



About oneta hayes

ABOUT ME Hello. To various folks I am Neat’nee, Mom, Grandma Neta, Gramma, Aunt Neta, Aunt Noni, Aunt Neno, and Aunt Neto (lots of varieties from little nieces and nephews). To some I’m more like “Didn’t you used to be my teacher?” or “Don’t I know you from someplace?” To you, perhaps, I am a Fellow Blogger. Not “fellow” like a male or a guy, but “fellow” like a companion or an adventurer. I would choose to be Grandma Blogger, and have you pull up a chair, my website before you, while I tell you of some days of yore. I have experienced life much differently than most of you. It was and is a good life. I hope to share nuggets of appreciation for those who have gone before me and those who come after me. By necessity you are among those who come after me and I will tell you of those who came before. Once upon a time in a little house on a prairie - oops, change that lest I commit plagiarism - and change that “house on the prairie” to “dugout on the prairie.” So my story begins...
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42 Responses to CANE PAIN!

  1. I have to depend on my husband for a lot of things now and I don’t like it much either but I’m sure thankful he’s around and so faithful to me.

  2. I laugh and chuckle as I imagine the waddling cane 😄 You guys are aging so gracefully, it’s a beautiful thin and God sure had a good idea when you fluttered your eyelashes at him 😊

    • oneta hayes says:

      Aw, shucks, you remind me of my flirting days. They were very tame. Surely I had some help from the Lord. Marriage has not always been a bed of roses, but I’m so thankful we were raised in the days when we were just taught you walk carefully through the thorns.There’ll be new seasons, new roses. Now, Jacqueline, dear, take my analogy and write me a beautiful motto or poem. Thank you before time. 😀 😀

  3. artseafartsea says:

    Sounds like a good relationship. I was not that fortunate.

    • oneta hayes says:

      I’m sorry that so many are not. I have dear friends who have hurts of that sort. The whole culture milieu in these present days contributes to couples giving up too early. And then there are others relationships that should have never been. Others caused by self preservation, or safety of self and children. Lots of reasons. I know this – married life is not without many conflicts. But then single life is not either.

      • artseafartsea says:

        There are so many reasons for people not to be together.Women have to be very strong to go it alone especially if there are children involved. Everyone has to do what is right for them. It’s nice to see someone who is happily married for a long time! 🙂

  4. dawnlizjones says:

    Thank you thank you for your encouragement! My knee hurts, I think I broke my toe last week, and the poundage isn’t as easily managed as before. And LIFE IS GOOD.

  5. Debbie L says:

    Aw, what a sweet post! We are trying to prepare ourselves for these challenging days ahead. We are blessed to be able to watch our mom’s age gracefully, my mom is 92 and needs a cane (a walker is really better for her) and my husband’s mom is 95 – and she uses a walker. Our parents remained married until our dads passed years ago, his at age 80 and mine at age 76, we know we have longevity in our DNA. Now we hold our mom’s hands when we are with them!

    • oneta hayes says:

      Hold moms hands when you are with them and hold each other’s hand the other times. Be blessed with long lives together. I’ve been pretty much cane free the last two days, but it is in reach just in case.

  6. the brotherhood of the cane salute you….it is a good thing to have loving mates. good post

    • oneta hayes says:

      The brotherhood of the cane, you say. We probably have something in common besides canes. What’s that, you ask? Humiliation! Just joking. Most folks are probably quite graceful with their cane issues. Oh, yeah. Who believes that!

  7. The sweetness of a blessed relationship shines through your words. (I skipped the queue of my challenge to witness this most wonderful loving relationship post. Even though my dear Mom didn’t need a cane, (she died way too early and I miss her every day), whenever I had a chance to hold her hand, I took it. I loved holding her hand like I’m sure your husband looks for any excuse to hold your hand. Keep batting those eyelashes, girl.

  8. SarahC says:

    I chuckle as I read this……someday I will post Why Not cane? I find this at the church, I sure hope they don’t fall. I have occasional hip/knee or vertigo issues and am on my way to the half century mark this year……, yes, I used my cane. I am at home, but if i had a car I would use it there too. I would rather have people do whatever it is they do/think than to ever fall again. That was the worst, the falling. Just my two cents, and yes, I understand, and am still chuckling at the vision of waddling along……….. 😉 best wishes!

    • oneta hayes says:

      I actually have very good bones. I have fallen numerous times, with no long term effect. But falling is even more humiliating than the cane. I have to choose. I choose cane! I ate lunch with friends. Challenged them to watch me walk – no cane and waddle free. It almost worked! 😀 😀

  9. shoreacres says:

    My best friend has a gizmo called a “hurry-cane.” She loves it. I can’t remember quite how it works, but she says it’s ever more stable and useful than most canes.

    At seventy, I’m the baby of our group, and so far, the most independent. I have my fingers crossed, for sure, and am trying to take better care of myself to extend the good times, since when things start falling apart, there won’t be anyone to hold hands with. Sometimes, that makes me feel a little morose, but mostly it doesn’t. If all I need is a cane, that will be very good, indeed!

    • oneta hayes says:

      I saw the “hurry-cane” advertised on TV. I can’t remember all its advantages, but it looked good – that is, good when I didn’t need it. Right now no cane looks very inviting. Actually the last couple of days I have been pretty much cane free. Thankfully. I understand where you come from about your singleness. If I didn’t already have a husband . . . I might choose cane. No, no, no! Lord, forgive me. I just have this streak sometimes that comes tumbling out of me. 😀 But it is true that as much as I love and admire men, if I were seventy and single, I wouldn’t be thinking of raising another one!

      • shoreacres says:

        I knew a woman once, in her nineties, who was being pursued by several guys in their eighties. She just laughed. She said, “I’ve washed enough socks in my life. I don’t need the aggravation.” 🙂

  10. Faye says:

    Loved the post. How true it is that we must be both practical and sensible. Age related things catch us all at different levels and timing. To my horror at beginning of this year I found where once I absolutely loved driving I suddenly felt I really did not care if I ever drove again. I’m working through this but now I am enjoying simply travelling with David everywhere. Waddling at the supermarket this week I also valued his hand and the absolute joy of being able to rush around – shopping – as long as I held on to the shopping trolley – . You always inspire with your writing and your journey. Thank you. Not falling over is really the most important thing whether we are in mid life or 70’s, 80’s 90’s + Falling is one thing…getting up and moving on and the HOW of that is the big question. Take care! everyone.

    • oneta hayes says:

      Oh, yes, Faye. The shopping cart is a fantastic status symbol to replace the cane. I hailed down an man with an empty shopping cart so I could get myself into Walmart to buy my cane. I remember to good old days when I would slip down on ice and get right back up. Falling down now is an entirely different story since we don’t choose to stay down and getting up involved all kinds of maneuvers. Thanks for you sweet words about my writing. You are a dear.

  11. Wandering Soul says:

    The humor is this post was amazing and yet the romance and love comes out the winner.
    So enjoyed reading this. Thanks for sharing it.

    • oneta hayes says:

      Thanks, Wandering Soul, for your kind words. I read the piece to my husband. I wasn’t quite sure about how he would respond but he laughed. Goodie, goodie. 😀 😀

  12. Anand says:

    When we can hold hands when we have to, is when the true meaning of holding hands dawns upon you. Love the way you’ve lined it up with your soft bubbly humor.

    • oneta hayes says:

      Thanks, Anand. You’re right about the hand holding. It would be awful to hold hands for loving tender fun, but then find that there was no security in them when the need arises.
      Thank you for your response.

  13. Pamela says:

    This is hilarious!!

  14. degus221 says:

    Glad for you, and him, that he caught the eye flutters. I trust that he still sees them.

  15. spartacus2030 says:

    Adorable story! I can just picture hubby running everywhere… LOL! Maybe that’s why he got to be 86… 63 years together too! You both must be like two hands on a watch; always in sync. Really enjoyed the story! Glad you enjoyed your meal. I thought that was brave you going without your cane! Think you’ll make it to your 75th. anniversary? He’ll have to give you a diamond! Tee hee!

    • oneta hayes says:

      Spartacus2030, thanks for reading and commenting. Overall it has been a good season together. Can’t imagine being without him. However, since we share the bank account, he would be in a world of trouble if he spent more than 50 bucks on a diamond for me. We did cough up some for a plain gold ring for our fifty-th. I wear it with the wedding ring from our wedding day. 😀 😀

  16. iamcayenne says:

    Wow! Oh my God! Hmmmm

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