“To Amy*, my Mom. To a loving mother from a sorrowful daughter 13 years too late.”
Thus began a letter I wrote full of remorse about my not having expressed more appreciation for her talents. Especially her ability to write historical stories, even make-believe stories like her Baretta** story. I could make a quick judgment about her art I knew it was good, but I knew so little about writing and took even less time to care about it.
Now that I love to write I wish I had shared more of that with her. A section from my letter to her says – “I have thought of you often during the 13 years since you were here. But I think it has always been because I wanted you to see MY accomplishments, MY family, MY home, MY yard, MY Lexus – never because I wanted to share YOUR accomplishments, YOUR genealogy, YOUR house, YOUR yard, YOUR writings, YOUR pictures. Sorry, sorry, sorry.”
I destroyed the letter. I’ve learned a very humbling lesson. What good is an “I’m Sorry” when it’s too late. I don’t know what I will remember when I see her again. But I hope I will still have the opportunity in Heaven to say, “Mom, you were an amazing woman when you lived on earth.”
*Mom, about 65 years old.
**”Baretta” was a story about their dog who is telling his life’s story.
I guess we all walk away with regrets some things that we took for granite, said or did to our mothers. I regret not being able to get along for an extended amount of time. We could spend so much more time together if only I could not take her negativity to heart.
Thanks for your response, Chrissy. I guess I identify with my mom now that I have children, grandchildren who have busy lives. The do love me but give little recognition to the fact that I have many achievements outside the “mom” “gramma” role. But that is the most important role I can play for them. I’m thankful that we have no problem that way Some I do not see often and do not know as well as I would like to. That is part of growing up and establishing one’s own family.
I find myself in a similar position. Our relationship was good, but I wish now that I’d done more.
Our lessons have to be learned then expressed through our relationships with those who are now living. I think you are doing a good job of that with your encouragement and participation in and with M’s writings. You know her worth as a mom, and are learning more and more about her worth as a writer, as she is learning about you. Cheers!
Ahhh,very sweet and well said. My own kids have busy lives and I don’t want them fretting about me, but I know they are going to regret it someday. They don’t know their mother very well, I am just “mom.” Sometimes I try to tell them but they don’t understand.
I spent a lot of time getting to know my parents, reading their writing, their artwork. They weren’t the best parents,but I took the time to get to know them. My kids don’t really understand why that is so important. A sign of the times perhaps. Someday they will, so I try to leave lots of bread crumbs in my wake, just in case they don’t come to their senses before I pass away. 🙂
Yes, the shoe is on the other foot now! I am realizing a little bit about younger mothers who complain about “not having time to be me.” I understand a bit, but I will never believe “being me” is equal to “being mom” when “mom” is what is needed. First things first. But there comes a time when mom has to move on; when that time comes, it is nice to still share with one’s offspring. I salute you for knowing your parents beyond mom and dad. And I also, do a lot of this writing “just in case” they want to catch up with me when I’m gone. 😀 (I do wish my kids would read my doctoral manuscript now. But it sounds so dull, they think. It’s not! :D)