I came to be by way of a little hanky panky back in the long ago, by way of the Moores, who are said to be offspring of the Campbells of the infamous traitorous treatment of them toward a neighboring Scottish clan – the MacDonalds, in 1692.  Sometime before that they were the well- respected clan from which the song “The Campbells are Coming” originated.  But wikipedia says they were not very welcome people – basically not to be trusted.  Interesting little bit of family lore.  


A couple hundred years later, some of them had developed into what I believe were civilized citizens of the USA.  From what I hear and believe, they were nice people! moores

As time went on, the Moore girl married a Riddle guy; a Riddle girl married a Rodgers guy.  And they begat me!

Ah, so much for family roots.  

Now to the part of my blog that matters!  We have become a culture that downplays and sometimes even decries, the advantages of a nuclear family.

About forty years ago I had a class in a very poor district of the city.  I had a class of 22 children, three of whom had a mother and father in the home; two of those were twins.  As I made mention of that to my student aide, her response was “What’s wrong with that?” I suppose I did not answer her. That is how easily we traditionalists and conservative people become intimidated!

But it was not coincidence the family units in that poverty area were so unstable.

 Most of those children are now grandparents!  How many of those girls might have married worthy men, honorable men?  Men able to support them financially, emotionally, and spiritually.  How many of those boys became husbands and fathers who cared for their wives and children and provided for them financially, emotionally, and spiritually?  A few did.  I heard about one from that school who went to the Naval Academy.  His daddy was quite proud of him!  Come to think of it, how much of his success was because of a daddy who stuck around, a daddy who cared!

A daddy who was present to be proud!



About oneta hayes

ABOUT ME Hello. To various folks I am Neat’nee, Mom, Grandma Neta, Gramma, Aunt Neta, Aunt Noni, Aunt Neno, and Aunt Neto (lots of varieties from little nieces and nephews). To some I’m more like “Didn’t you used to be my teacher?” or “Don’t I know you from someplace?” To you, perhaps, I am a Fellow Blogger. Not “fellow” like a male or a guy, but “fellow” like a companion or an adventurer. I would choose to be Grandma Blogger, and have you pull up a chair, my website before you, while I tell you of some days of yore. I have experienced life much differently than most of you. It was and is a good life. I hope to share nuggets of appreciation for those who have gone before me and those who come after me. By necessity you are among those who come after me and I will tell you of those who came before. Once upon a time in a little house on a prairie - oops, change that lest I commit plagiarism - and change that “house on the prairie” to “dugout on the prairie.” So my story begins...
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  1. I love how you weave a tale Oneta and then sock the 1 2 3 punch while no one is ready—leaving your audience blindsided by wisdom and truth!!!
    and I agree—it is how we more conservative and traditional ones can feel intimidated—or that we are just a more kinder and gentler lot overall…..

    • oneta hayes says:

      Thank you, Julie. I hope for kinder and gentler, not cowardly! No, I jest. It is not being cowardly. It is trying to be like Jesus – meek, kind, good, gentle, long suffering. That’s the reason evil has run amuck (amock). We have too long just looked at Jesus traits from one side of the coin. Problem is that we have not used our weapons of warfare very well – beginning with prayer. And many of us have not confronted evil in a united way. The other side of the coin might be to whip the merchants out of the temple and install some prophets of doom! 😀 But how would we get people to come to church if that happened? Oh, Julie, you didn’t ask me for a rant. I always enjoy your compassionate and wise blogs of common sense. I’ve noticed you tell it pretty straight yourself.

  2. SarahC says:

    welll, well, i was born a Moore, howdy!

    • oneta hayes says:

      How about that? Any tales of the Scottish clans in your family lore? Any roots in Iowa or Kansas? My grandmother was named Iowa. That helps me remember where they were from!

      • SarahC says:

        Grandpa came over from Ireland, tho scotch irish family, settled in Northern Illinois where i grew up……i have family i dont know of all over even Il cousins of cousins, family drama LOL, That is pretty cool well i dont know too much more (Moore pun i know

  3. shoreacres says:

    I’ve come to believe it’s not the form of the family that’s as important as the stability. All sorts of forces reshape families — death, divorce, adoption, fostering, remarriage — but knowing that there’s that place of belonging is so important. On the other hand, research has borne out that the traditional two-parent family, with a father and mother, offers some unique advantages. Finding ways to support that is the trick.

    • oneta hayes says:

      Having a culture that were a bit less tolerant of “planting the seed” and running away from the results would be helpful. Many things cannot be avoided like death and sometimes divorce. Adoption, fostering, and remarriage almost always happen to families who have both a male and female role model. I am very supportive of Big Brother and mentoring ministries. And I admire grandmothers and grandfathers who care enough to take over if necessary. Big sacrifice. But somehow little guys and gals need to know how honorable big guys can be. Thanks for extending thoughts.

  4. calmkate says:

    agreed fathers need to be present but mothers also need to able to include them 🙂

    • oneta hayes says:

      Mothers need help! With or without careers. As do fathers.

      • calmkate says:

        I hear you but my mother blocked my father’s interaction with us … she wanted to be the one and only 😦

        • oneta hayes says:

          I do know there are some like that; it’s a pity. I also know some fathers would like to be involved with their children but they are behind on child payments (not always by choice) so they give up. They have no mercy in the justice system, so they become “deadbeat dads.” All these good reasons are basically started by a man and woman, one of whom wanted out of the marriage, sometimes for good reason but often not. Marriages are often based on lust, whim, desire for a beautiful wedding, to get out of home, or because there’s nothing else to do, and divorce are much too easy to get. My life has been touched by the pain of divorce, and it has been touched by the pain of no divorce. I like the no divorce way better. Thanks, calmkate. You always make me think further.

  5. Nan Mykel says:

    I think the Quaker pre-nuptial interview is a lifesaver in some instances.

  6. Dawn Marie says:

    “That is how easily we traditionalists and conservative people become intimidated!” Oh, do I know that sting of this far-to-well! I’ve finally surrendered that God does not intend to use me in this way!!🤣

    • oneta hayes says:

      I like to think it is because we are tender, and gentle! But I have not seriously asked the Lord if I should be bolder. I do know he doesn’t want rude and aggressive. 😀

      • Dawn Marie says:

        As He reminds us so profoundly in today’s Gospel reading…He seeks us to love unconditionally, even if it should mean turning the other cheek. It has been my experience that prayer packs a more powerful punch than any clenched fist or tursed lip! Hugs to you dear friend!

  7. calensariel says:

    I think nuclear family has a whole different meaning these days!

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