sorrow 2
 I wrote the following on August 23, 2013 after recovery from heart attack & aortic dissection surgery.

I AM ACTING LIKE A SPOILED BRAT! Nurses aren’t telling me how wonderfully I am progressing! Sammy is no longer waiting on me hand and foot! I’m down, have little energy, can’t seem to get with any project that I can presently do. Daydreaming about what I would do if I just felt up to it! On, on, on…. 

Hardly more than a month ago, God gave me a new shot at living, and I am ever so thankful. But I find that even that dims in light of what I really need—God, Himself—even more than life. ”More of you, more of you, I’ve had it all, but what I need is more of you. Of things I’ve had my fill, and yet I hunger still—empty and bare, Lord, hear my prayer for more of you.” (Author unknown)


Comments today, four years later.  Well thankfully I got back up and got to work (or play).  But I’m thinking of two scriptures.  One regards Blind Bartimaeus (Luke 10: 51).  When he encountered Jesus, Jesus said to him, “What do you want me to do for you?”  Really, now, Jesus, what do you think he wanted?  Isn’t it obvious?  The other relates to the incident at the Pool of Bethesda (John 5:6).  The man had been sick and seeking healing for a long time.  Jesus said, “Do you want to get well?”  Again, Lord, isn’t it obvious?

In the light of these questions, I wonder, does Jesus ever say —

If I heal you, you can’t take any more sick leave.  Do you want to be healed?

If I help you find a job, you can’t watch Dr. Phil.  Do you want a job?

If you are healed, you can’t draw disability insurance.  Which do you want?

If I restore your marriage, you will have to limit sex to your spouse?  Do you want that?

If your long lost son calls, you have to forgive.  What do you want?

If you get a promotion, there’ll be no more food stamps.  What do you want?

Do you ever think some people just joy in their sorrows?  I guess I did with all that attention, someone to come when I rang the bell, an excuse that covered almost everything from ratty hair to not paying bills on time.  And I always enjoy a little game of “You think you’ve got problems, just listen to mine.”

But, I tell you the truth, nothing does away with all that self pity like a look at Jesus on the cross.  Nothing – no, nothing – can top his story.




About oneta hayes

ABOUT ME Hello. To various folks I am Neat’nee, Mom, Grandma Neta, Gramma, Aunt Neta, Aunt Noni, Aunt Neno, and Aunt Neto (lots of varieties from little nieces and nephews). To some I’m more like “Didn’t you used to be my teacher?” or “Don’t I know you from someplace?” To you, perhaps, I am a Fellow Blogger. Not “fellow” like a male or a guy, but “fellow” like a companion or an adventurer. I would choose to be Grandma Blogger, and have you pull up a chair, my website before you, while I tell you of some days of yore. I have experienced life much differently than most of you. It was and is a good life. I hope to share nuggets of appreciation for those who have gone before me and those who come after me. By necessity you are among those who come after me and I will tell you of those who came before. Once upon a time in a little house on a prairie - oops, change that lest I commit plagiarism - and change that “house on the prairie” to “dugout on the prairie.” So my story begins...
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11 Responses to WHAT DO YOU WANT?

  1. dawnlizjones says:

    This is great! I posted it on facebook. What a true expose of the human condition.

  2. This is just beautiful, Oneta. You’ve nailed it perfectly. That’s often how we are, “Lord, fix this thing…..just don’t expect me to change or give anything up or let go.” I’m often like that little kid that wants to jump off the swing, but I don’t want to let go. Often we do “joy in our sorrows.” They become familiar and safe. God has to give us a kick in the pants every now and than. 🙂

    • oneta hayes says:

      Stuck in my rut, got enough enablers to get by and griping to high heavens about those who turn a deaf ear. Sad thing when we become so deaf to the brats that we cease listening for the gallant ones who “endure in their afflictions.” Thanks for the comment, IB.

  3. how grateful I am that these several years later, I have found you and your witness!!!

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