RUDOLPH RAMBLES

“Psst! Psst!  Listen, right here by your left shoulder.”

“Me?  You talking to me?”

“Of course.  You don’t see anybody else listening to a stuffed reindeer, do you? Wow, do I have a story to tell ‘bout things going on in here.  In the first place, I came in with 119 other Rudolphs.  That’s right. Ten dozen.  What the people don’t know – even the guy who ordered me – is that I am the only authentic Rudolph in this bunch of stuffed clones.  Yep, me.  The real reindeer baby, born of Santa’s Rudolph and his forever love, Ms. Vixen.  Can’t you see by the shiny red nose?  Cupid set the whole thing up.  He thought the shiny satin bow Vixen wore went so well with dad’s, I mean Rudolph’s,  nose they were bound to find true love.  Anyway that’s how I came to be.

“Santa entered me into a modeling career at Reign-dear, Unlimited – I like that name, don’t you?  By mistake I was picked up and dropped into the crate for shipping.  Everybody here thinks I’m stuffed; I’m not, in fact I’m kinda hungry.  Do you happen to have a wad of hay that I could ruminate on a while? That’s okay.  I can’t talk with my mouth full anyway.

“Harry, the guy over there putting up the Christmas bells, stacked us all here in the aisle – put me right here in front so someone could get me first, but a slouchy, unkempt looking guy walked by and sneezed.  Would you believe?  He had chewing tobacco in his mouth.  Spayed all over my back left rump.  Can you see it?  Well, as of now, 47 people have looked me over then they bought one of the  imitations stacked around me.  I’m still here.  But it’s a perfect place to see the Christmas shoppers and gives me lots to reminisce about.

“A little while ago, two women were waiting in line.  They were speculating, extrapolating, and expounding on the hypothesis  of why everyone else was so dim-witted as to wait for today to do their shopping. One of the women – Helen by name – had been here three and a half hours.  Her big problem was what to get for her boss.  He seems to be a big whing-ding.  Don’t know how she thought she could find something here for that sort  But she had to give him something at the Christmas party he was throwing for his employees.  She finally made a decision on a tie with a picture of Rudolph, my dad, on it.  While she was in line a man unloaded a tie from the basket in front of them.  He held it up and looked it over.

“The second woman, I think her name was Delectica (or something like that)  said quiet-like so the man couldn’t hear, ‘Look at that ugly tie!’

“Helen’s face fell as deflated as a happy helium balloon on its first month’s birthday.  Three and a half hours for an ugly tie choice!

“You should have seen her sneak that tie out of the basket and stuff it into the changed-my-mind, I-don’t-want-it basket.  Yeah, they have one of those up here by the checkout counter.

“Delectica, (whatever her name is) caught Helen dumping it.  She said, ‘Oh, I’m sorry.  I didn’t know you had one.’ Helen said, ‘I don’t know how it got in my basket.  It’s so ugly; I would never have chosen that.  Someone else must have dumped it in my basket.  Well, toodle-do, nice talking to you.  I must run down to Rothchild’s and buy something for my boss.’

“And the tie?  It really was ugly.  Looked exactly like me and dad.  I wish I had taken my looks from my mom.  Vixen is quite a lovely lady.  Meanwhile here I stand, with tobacco spray on my rump.  Not to worry, though, some woman will buy me when all the rest are gone – when she remembers that she hasn’t yet bought anything for her husband’s cousin’s kid.

’Two good things about that.  One, I won’t have to spend much time in a wrapped boot box.  The other is, kids are very easy to talk to and they talk back like real live people.  They don’t stand gaping like you are doing.  You look like you’re hearing something weird.  Buck up, man, it’s your turn to check out.  If you have to buy any ties, I would recommend one with a snowflake, shining star, or Christmas tree.  Well, as Helen said, ‘toodle-do, nice talking to you.’ “

******************

I like this story so I’m posting again from a couple of years ago.  Not many of you read it before.  If you did, enjoy again (I hope).    It was written for a challenge by Dan Alatorre.  I’m not finding his blog now.

CHRISTMAS FLASH FICTION CHALLENGE issued by Dan Alatorre at http://danalatorre.com/2015/12/04/writing-challenge-see-the-scene-write-the-caption/comment-page-1/#comment-4174  The challenge is to write a story including two random elements.  My first scene (5) is to involve”two shoppers lined up at a cash register while a man holds up and examines a necktie.”  And the second is to use the keyword “Rudolph” (2).

About oneta hayes

ABOUT ME Hello. To various folks I am Neat’nee, Mom, Grandma Neta, Gramma, Aunt Neta, Aunt Noni, Aunt Neno, and Aunt Neto (lots of varieties from little nieces and nephews). To some I’m more like “Didn’t you used to be my teacher?” or “Don’t I know you from someplace?” To you, perhaps, I am a Fellow Blogger. Not “fellow” like a male or a guy, but “fellow” like a companion or an adventurer. I would choose to be Grandma Blogger, and have you pull up a chair, my website before you, while I tell you of some days of yore. I have experienced life much differently than most of you. It was and is a good life. I hope to share nuggets of appreciation for those who have gone before me and those who come after me. By necessity you are among those who come after me and I will tell you of those who came before. Once upon a time in a little house on a prairie - oops, change that lest I commit plagiarism - and change that “house on the prairie” to “dugout on the prairie.” So my story begins...
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4 Responses to RUDOLPH RAMBLES

  1. Beaton says:

    It’s hilarious and having recently watched Rudolph again for the umpteenth time I was reading it in a Rudolph voice
    ~B

    • oneta hayes says:

      That’s what that little rascal will do to you! I quite love my little Rudolph. You have paid me a terrific compliment by reading in his voice. Thanks, Beaton. Have a Merry Christmas.

  2. What a cute fun story to read

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