Friends, Family, and Fellow Americans, I put before you another choice – a choice far superior to what you have heard before. First I will introduce myself, and list my strengths.
ONETA Hayes – unrecognized now but I point out how important it is.
ONETA – a nice mix between Indian and Mexican. I will be known by one name only – celebrity status like Beyonce, Madonna, Oprah, Hillary. (Hopefully I can play down my obviously European last name.)
Seventy-eight years old- Yes, I’ll lie a little. I need the practice for future events. But I need to be older than Bernie so I can’t overdo it. Nobody in media will take note of it, me being a Democrat. I’m sure no birth certificate will be required. I was thirty-one when I graduated from college – so right there is evidence that supports my younger age.
Married for 65 years – That’s not cool but I will apologize for lack of gender confusion and explain that in my day we did what was expected by polite society. I can pretend to be the head of the household instead of saying I have a wonderfully patient and loving husband.
Diversity status: My diverse status as a white older wise woman will not mean much…….
BUT – ARE YOU READY? My Diversity Status – Victim-hood. I will run as a FAT woman. Fat people of the land are through suffering the degrading treatment from the skinny elites of the fashion world. Fat men, women, children of all ages will give their support. They will gladly contribute a dollar a pound to gain respect of society. So that takes care of the money issue.
Our slogan is “We, the Fat people of America, are no longer willing to carry the weight of America” – neither on our hips nor in our bellies!
Our acronym is FFWNLCYW! Fat Folks Will No Longer Carry Your Weight! Yes, that acronym will fit on a size 4X shirt, which will be provided to all.
And we will give a year for all people to fit that shirt. We’ll share and share alike. And it is the skinnies who will have to change. That’s Socialism where it matters. All equal. And we fatties are not going to sacrifice by dieting, binging, vomiting/purging, or exercising.
If you are not overweight, you must register and find yourselves a place in the many food lines being provided in order to bring about Socialism of the Fat. We will kick off our Rallies by passing plates of fried potatoes and onions with gravy available. People who do not cooperate with my programs will be open to new taxation at the end of the year.
It will be easier for the folks in Oklahoma. I see we (OKC and Tulsa) made the List of Fattest Cities in America, so we have a head start. However, we must still do our duty toward bringing Socialism for the
poor oops, fat.
Let’s hear it for ONETA and the FFWNLCYW! (Please, no last name.)
Before I do something so drastic as registering as a Democrat, I’m going to consider going head to head against President Trump and offering myself as a political option for a nominee to the Republicans. I might share some pros and cons regarding that on another day.
If you missed my reasons for thinking I can beat the other Democratic Nominees, you are invited to https://onetahayes.com/2019/03/20/big-question/ and https://onetahayes.com/2019/03/21/big-question-continued/