Putting my hat in the ring….

Oneta 84

Friends, Family, and Fellow Americans, I put before you another choice – a choice far superior to what you have heard before.  First I will introduce myself, and list my strengths.

ONETA Hayes – unrecognized now but I point out how important it is.

ONETA – a nice mix between Indian and Mexican.  I will be known by one name only – celebrity status like Beyonce, Madonna, Oprah, Hillary.  (Hopefully I can play down my obviously European last name.)

Seventy-eight years old- Yes, I’ll lie a little.  I need the practice for future events.  But I need to be older than Bernie so I can’t overdo it.  Nobody in media will take note of it, me being a Democrat.  I’m sure no birth certificate will be required.  I was thirty-one when I graduated from college – so right there is evidence that supports my younger age.

Married for 65 years –  That’s not cool but I will apologize for lack of gender confusion and explain that in my day we did what was expected by polite society.  I can pretend to be the head of the household instead of saying I have a wonderfully patient and loving husband.

Diversity status:  My diverse status as a white older wise woman will not mean much…….

BUT  – ARE YOU READY?   My Diversity Status –  Victim-hood.  I will run as a FAT woman.  Fat people of the land are through suffering the degrading treatment from the skinny elites of the fashion world. Fat men, women, children of all ages will give their support.  They will gladly contribute a dollar a pound to gain respect of society.  So that takes care of the money issue.

Our slogan is “We, the Fat people of America, are no longer willing to carry the weight of America” – neither on our hips nor in our bellies!

Our acronym is FFWNLCYW!  Fat Folks Will No Longer Carry Your Weight!  Yes, that acronym will fit on a size 4X shirt, which will be provided to all.

And we will give a year for all people to fit that shirt.  We’ll share and share alike.  And it is the skinnies who will have to change.  That’s Socialism where it matters.  All equal.  And we fatties are not going to sacrifice by dieting, binging, vomiting/purging, or exercising.

If you are not overweight, you must register and find yourselves a place in the many food lines being provided in order to bring about Socialism of the Fat.  We will kick off our Rallies by passing plates of fried potatoes and onions with gravy available.  People who do not cooperate with my programs will be open to new taxation at the end of the year.

It will be easier for the folks in Oklahoma.  I see we (OKC and Tulsa) made the List of Fattest Cities in America, so we have a head start.  However, we must still do our duty toward bringing Socialism for the poor  oops, fat.

Let’s hear it for ONETA and the FFWNLCYW!  (Please, no last name.)


Before I do something so drastic as registering as a Democrat, I’m going to consider going head to head against President Trump and offering myself as a political option for a nominee to the Republicans.  I might share some pros and cons regarding that on another day.


If you missed my reasons for thinking I can beat the other Democratic Nominees, you are invited to https://onetahayes.com/2019/03/20/big-question/  and  https://onetahayes.com/2019/03/21/big-question-continued/   







About oneta hayes

ABOUT ME Hello. To various folks I am Neat’nee, Mom, Grandma Neta, Gramma, Aunt Neta, Aunt Noni, Aunt Neno, and Aunt Neto (lots of varieties from little nieces and nephews). To some I’m more like “Didn’t you used to be my teacher?” or “Don’t I know you from someplace?” To you, perhaps, I am a Fellow Blogger. Not “fellow” like a male or a guy, but “fellow” like a companion or an adventurer. I would choose to be Grandma Blogger, and have you pull up a chair, my website before you, while I tell you of some days of yore. I have experienced life much differently than most of you. It was and is a good life. I hope to share nuggets of appreciation for those who have gone before me and those who come after me. By necessity you are among those who come after me and I will tell you of those who came before. Once upon a time in a little house on a prairie - oops, change that lest I commit plagiarism - and change that “house on the prairie” to “dugout on the prairie.” So my story begins...
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63 Responses to Putting my hat in the ring….

  1. grAnnie Roo says:

    Too funny! Oh the pain… 😊😄😁

  2. I’m in…like flynn—fat and flynn 🙂

  3. ivor20 says:

    As a fat Australian, I sympathise with your sizeable guidelines…

  4. Salvageable says:

    As Allen Sherman said, “Thank you, fat person: you made America great!” J.

    • oneta hayes says:

      Sounds like someone I am sorry to have missed. I remember the name but don’t remember his style. 😀 Thanks.

      • Salvageable says:

        Now that I think of it, the line was, “Hail to you, fat person: you made America great.” The context was eating all the food on your plate because of starving children in other nations. Allen Sherman was the Weird Al of his generation (the 1960s) He did parodies of music, from Lawrence Welk to Elvis, not to mention folk music. I’m sure he can be found on YouTube. (You must remember Hello muddah, hello faddah, Here I am at Camp Granada.”) J.

        • oneta hayes says:

          So he started (or promoted the “clean up your plate, kids starving in China.” I was very busy raising my own sons and teaching others people’s children during the 60’s and 70’s To a certain extent I am ignorant of those times. Thanks, you continually teach me new lessons. I just left your blog. Thanks for the history lesson.

          • Salvageable says:

            No; he didn’t start it, but he was making fun of it. He said that he was fat because his mother made him clean his plate. Therefore, it is the fat people (the ones who obeyed their parents and ate all their food) who made America great. J.

            • oneta hayes says:

              I can put myself in that situation. Obedient, fat, and great. My sister is wanting me to quit saying I am fat. But I’m having fun with it “for a season.”

  5. Ha! This works for me. Fat socialism it is! Redistribute the girth. 🙂

    • oneta hayes says:

      Redistribute the girth. I like that. Second motto if needed. I plan to ask Sen Jerry Nadler to be VP if I go Dem, if I have to go Rep Chris Christy would be my choice. If neither of them accept I’ll go with an unknown – would you like to be VP? Nice sound – IBVP, IBVP 😀

      • pranabaxom says:

        Can’t be your vp. Just a naturized citizen. Put me in for Secy of State. Oh, I can see those free trips to India to visit family. Will be less costly than POTUS’ Mar a Lago weekly golf trips.

        • oneta hayes says:

          I was thinking that would be a good idea. Until I got to last sentence. You would probably spend all your time looking for a Russian Connection.

          • pranabaxom says:

            Mixed up your Geography again😄. Where did I talk about Russia? I am just supplying you a justification to support the cost of travel. One+T+A = One Travel Adviser

            • oneta hayes says:

              With you hang up about the President I’m sure you are big time on finding something that will stick. Russian Collusion was going to it. Just cut you out for a lemming 😀 The Secy of State will be provided travel. I’m sure at government expense. I sure you can find a legitimate reason to visit someone of import in most any country. India would certainly be expected. I’m going to go read a book.

      • Salvageable says:

        I had already thought of suggesting Christy as a running mate. J.

  6. atimetoshare.me says:

    I’m eligible! We could add a little entia

    • oneta hayes says:

      Oh, what a word. I didn’t know entia could be so intelligent! 😀

      • atimetoshare.me says:

        Obviously I wasn’t finished with the response. Thus the thought of managing the size of the keyboard I was going to add a little dementia to the mix.

        • oneta hayes says:

          This is funny because I looked up entia and it has a meaning like “something that is real” so I interpreted as “mass/weight” or something like that so it made sense to me. Dementia would fit. Whatever, we can add to it. 😀

  7. atimetoshare.me says:

    May i suggest your first order of business – make the keyboards on phones large enough to accommodate
    fat fingers.

    • oneta hayes says:

      You have it! Would you like Secretary of Modern Technology? Check out China’s stealing, Bezo’s political monkeying around, manipulating votes – all that kind of bossing around. Oh here I am thinking like a Rep. Gotta remember as a Dem I don’t go there. 😀 Well the offer of Sec of MT still stands. Somebody will have to make expandable keyboards sort of like accordion folds. And we have to do work on the horse-pulled buggies – be sure seats are comfortable for those who used to fly in planes.

  8. Faye says:

    You certainly gave me a chuckle this morning. Here in Australia methinks we are going to need something or someone totally and utterly ‘out of the box’ so EVERYONE can endlessly complain and keep the media happy until the next time. Secularism, socialism, and humanism RULE.

  9. Faye says:

    I forgot to mention that fat socialism fits me fine ….I’d support you definitely, as I’m surely eligible for the victim status of ‘Putting on the pounds’ because I’m contented. Will you have a special program to help this condition? Maybe part of you new victim support health plan?

  10. Oh. My. Word!!! I am sitting here laughing like a hyena. I am totally on board…fat and all. You go for it Oneta and I will be right there for you!!! We can just keep hollering, “It Ain’t Over Till The Fat Lady Sings!!”
    You have no idea how I am loving this idea of yours. I would love to redesign the food pie chart to accommodate the new “fat” requirements. Could we add chocolate as a good group?

  11. calensariel says:

    Very cheeky, Oneta! Loved it! ❤

    • oneta hayes says:

      Cheeky? Love that. Thanks. Its been fun but I’m worn out from paying attention to all my constituents and prospective voters. 😀 Nice to hear from you. I’ve missed you but I ran by your place a few days ago and found you active.

  12. Hey? What about us skinny people? We’ve got rights, too! 😉

    • oneta hayes says:

      Form your own campaign! Don’t be copying after me. My plan is to feed you. By the time you fit in my 4X t-shirt, you will have helped my Socializing the Fat endeavor! 😀 Have a good evening dear Lady.

  13. HAHA! Love it! And I enjoy the banter, altho9ugh I can’t find a button to “like” any of the comments…

    • oneta hayes says:

      I guess this format does not allow that. You can put an amen or smiley face in the comment and address it to the one who makes the comments. There is probably a way to do that, but I don’t know how. The comments almost always add to the post. I love the way others think.

  14. May I please join the FFWNLCYW! I promise I will “work” very hard to attain socialism for all fat people!

    • oneta hayes says:

      Please do. We must restore respect to fat people everywhere. If you don’t fit in the size 4X yet, go buy some pecan pie and top it off with whipped cream (no longer do we need Cool Whip – whipping cream, yum,yum.) 😀
      I’ve been home schooling and sitting my grands yesterday and today. Out of town in the morning, out of state company tomorrow night and Sat. Blogging suffers, but I decided to come answer comments at least. Glad to see you back.

  15. K E Garland says:

    LOL You have my vote!

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