In looking through old material to find “healing” issues, I ran across this prayer. I’m sharing it. I treasure those years when I was much more faithful about prayer than I am now. I recommend writing your prayers sometimes. It focuses one’s thoughts and stops some wailing in the wind. However, I am in favor of “wailing in the wind” sometimes also. God is so good, he appreciates any manner of connecting with him. I wrote this at the altar at church. At that time of my life I was going to the church many days for a prayer time. My letter is written in long hand on lined paper. I guess I planned beforehand to write my prayer since I had material with me.
10-19-99 Savior, My Jesus: I’ve come to pray again today. I don’t want to get boring and repetitious to you so I’m going to write to you. Pen pal type thing. Thanks for your letter – your word – Your word – your Word – Your Word – Jesus, the Word of God. You were in the beginning and evermore shall be. We have such trouble understanding beginning and end with you. How can you be without beginning or without end? I guess I have a beginning but no end. It must have to do with there not being time with you. How you can answer before we call? How you know our steps before we step? How you — sorry I can’t think of how to say more. Will heaven be without time and space?
You can appear as if having come through a wall. I know you didn’t really come through the wall. It was just as easy to manifest on the inside of the wall, as on the outside, wasn’t it? Where are you now, Jesus? Are you peering down from the ceiling? Peeking over my shoulder? Sitting on this altar bench? Or perhaps you do not see with your eyes what I’m writing. Maybe your presence inside me is causing my words. Oh, it’s too big for me. Do you remember that quote David Burrows read, about trying to reason you out will “blow up your brain.” I’m glad for faith, trust, to know you ARE – not because of anything we know or will ever know.
I’m so sorry for the girl who said she went through a period of not trusting you – not even liking you. She said she always felt like you were out to “get” her. Well, what a wonderful Lord you are. You ARE out to get her. When you get her, she will find that she is loved. I tried to tell her the verse in Chronicles, where it says the eye of the Lord is seeking those to do good for. Of course, it does say those who are “perfect toward him.” She might not get much comfort because she would say she is not perfect toward you. How I realize how woefully short I would be of that mark except for your grace, the grace that casts away my sin into the sea of forgetfulness so that I can be perfect toward you. Bought and covered by your blood! There is another “how do you do it” question. You, Jesus, Word of God, have the answer. Thank you. Your promise is that I am sanctified – cleaned up by your blood. God help me to live in such a way as to never bring shame to your sacrifice. Don’t let me insult your blood by defiling it. I plead your blood; I beg your covering. I hope in your sacrifice for me.
I’m sitting here where I prayed Sunday night. Such a travail was upon me. I saw the bottle of oil here on the altar. Most everyone with backs turned, talking, and walking out. It was as if your Holy Spirit stood here ready to be applied to the hurts but ignored and left behind. I know you were grieved that your love was not recognized. Do we think you are going to walk to the back and force yourself upon those who are going away. Like – was it Peter – who said, Lord, to whom will we go? Some went to get something to eat, some to the TV, some to bed, some to chores, some to medicine, some to worry, some to cigarettes. Did you see that young man go from here at the altar to the convenience store to buy cigarettes? Of course, the reason I know is because I went to buy gas. Yes, there was a sense in which you went along; but you longed to do so much more.
Wow! This sure takes longer to write to you than to talk to you, but I’ve enjoyed trying to put more specific words to my thoughts. It has been a good time. I love you. I’m so awed by you – my Lord, Light, Life, and Love.
Thanks for the financial progress you are making for me. If it is right for us, please help us sell our property. That house has been such a blessing from you. If someone else buys it, make it a blessing to them. There’s my beeper. Time for a meeting. I love you.