I am not prepared to make judgments about who, how, why God punishes in the present day. But I think I have some sound opinions and advice about such a matter.
So let me tell you some personal stories. We were parenting when spanking was common, and we punished our boys with swats with a belt. In my father’s family it was a razor strap. I don’t think we (Sammy and I) had a razor strap, mostly I remember using a belt used for holding up trousers.
Sammy and I with Carl our older son who was about five or six at that time were visiting Sammy’s sister. One evening at bed time Sammy was in bed, Carl was standing by the bed doing something with a belt. Sammy told Carl to give him the belt, Carl refused. Carl continued to refuse to turn lose the belt. Sammy gripped the belt near Carl’s hand and swatted Carl with the end of the belt. Carl still refused to turn loose. Sammy struck him several more times each time telling Carl to turn loose. Carl would not. Carl was crying, I was heart broken but supported Sammy in not letting Carl win that battle. Finally Carl turned loose the belt and of course Sammy didn’t spank anymore.
For some reason Sammy and I referred to that incident just this summer and Sammy cried these many years later. I assured him he had acted as a loving father would. In the first place, Sammy was laying on the bed, probably propped on an elbow holding Carl’s arm, but he certainly was not hitting Carl in an angry, vicious, or bullying manner. Carl was pretty close to Sammy or they could not have both been holding the belt. But most of all it is significant that Carl could have turned loose that belt at any time and stopped the swats.
Now one on myself. When I spanked Roger (second son) with a belt he would pull and holler. I would hang on and swat. 😀 I assure you his pulling away from me resulted in harder swats. If he had just hugged my waist while I swatted, it couldn’t have hurt much. I probably would have hit my own legs. 😀
Another story about myself and Carl. Both my boys grew fast; they were each six feet tall by fourteen years of age. Sometime about the time Carl was 14, he did something I was going to spank him for. I got the belt and told him to bend over. He did. I was suddenly struck by the fact that his “spankable” rear was almost as high as my head. I thought any kid who will do that – bend over to take his swats without a word of rebellion – should never have swats again, and he didn’t. That was the last one he got from me.
So what are the lessons?
Obeying quickly will result in less punishment.
Get as close to the Lord as possible, it won’t hurt nearly as bad.
Submit to his authority and you may not need punishment again.
Wow, glad that you were not my mom😂. I had seen my mom spank only once, one of my sisters got a sort of back handed spank as she was nagging my mom while she was cooking. The thought of hurting mom a yway by our actions may have kept us on the straight path as we were growing up. But father was another matter. He was a perfectionist and disciplinarian. Never was smacked but the thought of getting a tongue lashing was enough to keep us in line.
But look at what happened to you! Okay, I’, joking. You have probably raised well behaved children too. Did they ever need any kind if punishment? If so, what did you do? My mom could control us by her look. I don’t remember ever getting a spanking but you know I didn’t need one. Like you probably. Daddy rarely spanked my brother but he did at times. Tongue lashings are often very hurtful if they involve name calling, humiliating, and put downs. One of the things which kids take to bed with them. Sad to say but most spankings are administered with tongue lashings. That’s sad.
My kids, sadly, are born here. So, be a Roman when in Rome.
Sorry. I don’t have an answer for how to undo the harm done to our young people. It started during my days in public school. I take the blame for some of it. As you said, when in Rome… I have remembered a time when my mother did spank me when I was about ten. War time and sugar was rationed. I got a spanking for dropping the sugar bowl. I didn’t think that was just and sort of resented her for that. In recent years I have realized my attitude was probably the reason I dropped the sugar bowl. I was probably being careless if I was mad about cleaning the dishes or something like that! 😀 She did bob me on the head with the comb when I objected to her combing my hair. Maybe I wasn’t as easy to raise as I thought I was.
We can’t go back and make right what went wrong. I wish. That is something I will carry with me where ever I go.
Sorry for your pain. Good night, Pranab. Rest easy.
Gregory got tears in his eyes as I read this to him remembering a time he seated Brenton with a belt once we were on a trip to the mountains— he was about 4 and was acting out terribly at a restaurant— Gregory had no recourse and has shed tears often since — and I don’t think the belt had to be used again— teenage life was all about lying, sneaking and being grounded
One time I was complaining to a friend about a student who was driving me nuts. The friend said, “Have you spanked him?” I responded, “No, I don’t like him enough to spank him.” When I heard myself say that, I was shocked into realizing that was really the truth. Spanking a child is hard work, physically and mentally. I’m talking about the kind of spanking that is driven by love and real care, not a fly off the handle beating. That’s a different matter.
Amen to that and that is a post unto itself
Yes. Nite, Cookie. 😀
Thank you for comments here. From personal experience of dealing with disruptive children in both home and school situations I understand thoughts expressed. At home we and our children knew the standards and the loving discipline; we would meter out. (Certainly not in cruelty or unkindness but in absolute love and because we genuinely cared…We had a swish. One swift reminder of wrong doing and then a cuddle and assurance of forgiveness and love.). In classroom particularly Religious Instruction any truly disruptive or rude student could be a problem. One day I solved it in one class by accident. I told one very rude child did he know what God would do to him if he behaved in such a manner. Probably BASH was his response.
No. I said……’I’ll show you.’ I wrapped him in my arms and said. ‘I love you!’. . (we were not supposed to cuddle the children but……). That class was always excellently behaved AFTER THAT.. Little Tim told everyone in the school. You have to be very well behaved in Mrs. R’s class or she will HUG you kiss you and tell you God loves you!.’ Very grateful was I indeed that he got the message. It was not me loving him. Accidently though it worked.!.
I touch on the matter of spanking not working on abused children tomorrow. At this time I don’t try to respond to the need of those who have been beaten. But they certainly don’t need more swats!
I wrote a post just now (that you haven’t read yet) that I believe will bless you Mrs Hayes.
Very grateful was I indeed that he got the message. It was not me loving him. Accidently though it worked.!.
I’m not sure to what this refers, but thanks for reading and making the comment. I do like comments. 😀