To save my reputation as an honest woman, let me say right off only the first story is true, the one about the pies and pigs. Then I just got carried away with myself and kept writing with little regard for the truth!

Eating season is over. Such lovely and delicious pies. I didn’t make them! My pie making history is abysmal.

You see my first time I was a young bride wanting to delight my husband with my pie making skills. Let me set the scene. We lived in a 28-foot trailer – not to be confused with a mobile home. It was a forerunner of the mobile home. We were in college and parked in “trailer park” on the far south side of the campus, next to a pig pen – with pigs. Aside: It also had a pig sty on which my dear love sat when he showed me the ring he had bought for me. Yes, right there he popped the question.

Back to the pie story. I made two pies. Both were ruined. I don’t remember how, but I took them out and gave them to the pigs. Maybe I over reacted. Pigs loved them and they didn’t die.

It took a long time to get over that. Twenty-seven years actually, so at 47 years old, (I remember because it was the year I became a grandmother) I took a pie to mom’s Thanksgiving dinner. I overheard mom tell a friend that her eight-year-old granddaughter had made the pie. Didn’t look like much, she said, but it tasted ALL RIGHT!

ALL RIGHT was somewhat encouraging so the next time the church had a bake sale, I tried again. My pie was the last one left and it sold for $1.75. I had bought the ingredients for $12.58! I had to buy spices enough for 32 pies. They don’t sell single-usage spices. Next time I will buy a pie at Pioneer Pies and put my name on it.

I’m not one to hold a grudge so next pot luck dinner, I tried again. That time I made a strawberry pie with my own crust, very crispy. Problem was that they thought it was Chips and Salsa. Good thing they had other choices for both chips and dip, and pie. Mine wasn’t very appealing as either, so not many tried it out.

Well, my last try looked pretty good when I put it in the oven. Quite exciting. Maybe I had finally aced it! Put it in, set the temperature and the timer. Three minutes before the timer when off, I heard an explosion, ran to the oven. It was all covered with something like goo. I don’t know what happened. Maybe I used too much yeast or soda, or maybe I shouldn’t have used both. My husband said it might have been caused by the pecans I decorated it with. He told me I should have shelled them first. He said nuts with a bit of water in them will explode – like popcorn.

Being realistic, I quit trying. But I still think of those beautiful pies I will never make – French Silk, Italian Nut, German Almond, Persian Praline Pecan, Latin Lovers Lemon Lusty D-Lite ……. I wonder if I could buy a can of pie fill…. No, Don’t!

About oneta hayes

ABOUT ME Hello. To various folks I am Neat’nee, Mom, Grandma Neta, Gramma, Aunt Neta, Aunt Noni, Aunt Neno, and Aunt Neto (lots of varieties from little nieces and nephews). To some I’m more like “Didn’t you used to be my teacher?” or “Don’t I know you from someplace?” To you, perhaps, I am a Fellow Blogger. Not “fellow” like a male or a guy, but “fellow” like a companion or an adventurer. I would choose to be Grandma Blogger, and have you pull up a chair, my website before you, while I tell you of some days of yore. I have experienced life much differently than most of you. It was and is a good life. I hope to share nuggets of appreciation for those who have gone before me and those who come after me. By necessity you are among those who come after me and I will tell you of those who came before. Once upon a time in a little house on a prairie - oops, change that lest I commit plagiarism - and change that “house on the prairie” to “dugout on the prairie.” So my story begins...
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  1. you gave me such a good laugh this morning—glad the pigs survived!!!

  2. oneta hayes says:

    Thanks for telling me. I was ready for something silly. 😀

  3. pamkirst2014 says:

    This made me laugh out loud! After years of misadventures, I found a never-fail pie crust recipe, and life is so much better…

    • oneta hayes says:

      Hey, good. I have mastered that jello/whipped cream/cottage chess kind of refr. dessert. I’ll be content. You write a lot about food and cooking. You’re young and have men to cook for. I have a husband but he eats “healthy” so I’m not much motivated.

  4. What a fun post. I love your tenacity!!! I didn’t know nut would explode either ….

  5. Frank Hubeny says:

    I am glad to hear the pigs didn’t die. I remember trying to make some sourdough bread. I could sense it wasn’t going to turn out. It didn’t. We ate it anyway and I at least, like those pigs, thought it was great. Or good enough.

  6. Thanks for a good laugh!🤣🤣🤣🤣

  7. says:

    What a great story. I’ve never been too good at making pies either. I used to try a lot though. Like you, I thought practice would make perfect. The only pie crust I could make was store bought. I kept trying though, in spite of my results. I go to the pie shop these days. Luckily I never had any pigs to throw my pies at, but chances are I would’ve knocked them out if I did.

    • oneta hayes says:

      Now that’s a thought. I never could hit a target. I guess though I wasn’t really taking it out on the pigs. My family makes enough desserts for us now-a-days. Good cooks. A little stingy on the things that taste best (like calories). I’m joking again.

  8. Jael Stevens says:

    Oh gosh, life–and cooking/baking–are sad and funny at the same time! 🙂

  9. Faye says:

    I had a good laugh as well, I have never been good at pies either . I Majored in a dessert thingy called a rainbow jelly slice with a pie base. Unhealthy perhaps but kids loved it back in the days of Sunday school picnics and tuck-shops in schools where fun food and healthy were both promoted. Keep up with the great story telling. Blessings! Bet the pigs went to bed grinning!

  10. I like pie, but like you I can claim no expertise in baking it.

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