A SINNER’S MISERY

I came upon this writing while going through a family scrapbook. I think it is worth a share to others. I have told some members of the writer’s family that I would post it for those who would like to see. It was a long time ago; my mother has written circa 1950 on the envelope. The writer was my great uncle and I will be 87 this week. That’s way back there. He rues the drinking which came between him and his wife. I don’t know whether he overcame his drinking habit. But he remarried, and had more children with whom I am just now beginning an acquaintance via FB. Maybe one of them can tell me whether he beat the drinking habit. I hope so. I have laid paper clips by the paper so you can see what tiny writing. The paper was 2 x 3 1/2 inches.

A SINNER’S MISERY

Oh God, have mercy on a sinner who is too weak, and doesn’t have strength to change his ways. Until he has lost all in this world that is, or was worth living for. I guess its too late now, but it isn’t too late to change my ways.

I have been a coward, a sinner. I have prayed for strength, but my prayers were unanswered, and Satan stepped in and told me a Sinners best friend is the bottle and the Devil. They stayed with me. Satan said, “Go on” while I listened to him, an angel was saying “Fred, don’t do it.” That angel was my own dear wife.

I killed all the love she had for me, for I stood by the Devil and he stood by me. He’d say, “Come have another drink,” and with tears in my eyes I would sometimes think “Why be a coward.” Then satan would say “Come on have some more whiskey/booze. You can’t lose.”

Then I would drive faster and still think it safe, fifty-five and sixty was my speed, I know, when my left wheel hit a bank of snow. Two times I turned over, both times by myself. “No” Satan was with me. I remember quite well. For, he had just said, “Fred, give her hell. The pickup is too slow. You can make sixty and get on ahead.”

Well I was half-past him, when he cut in on me, That’s when I had to take the snowbank, you see. Two men and one girl were in that pickup, turned upside down.

They were drunk. Well what about me? Well, I’ll make one more round, with the bottle by my side, and then I’ll change my ways, and with a preachers pride. And to satan and whisky I’ll say, farewell. For no man wants to dwell in hell.

Then my darling wife may sometime see, it was satan and whisky and not just me. O God, do be kind to the darling of mine, that I caused so miuch sorrow while I was still blind.

The most perfect man can say with a sigh, “no man is without sin not even I.

If God would grant me fifty more years of life. I’d say, instead, just give me two with my wife.

My life work seems ended and when I think why, tears very often come to my eyes, and I cry. I have fought many battles but this is the worst, To think, how I’m frowned on and cursed.

I have promised to do, the best I can do. But they all seem to say, “You Liar, You.”

by Fred

About oneta hayes

ABOUT ME Hello. To various folks I am Neat’nee, Mom, Grandma Neta, Gramma, Aunt Neta, Aunt Noni, Aunt Neno, and Aunt Neto (lots of varieties from little nieces and nephews). To some I’m more like “Didn’t you used to be my teacher?” or “Don’t I know you from someplace?” To you, perhaps, I am a Fellow Blogger. Not “fellow” like a male or a guy, but “fellow” like a companion or an adventurer. I would choose to be Grandma Blogger, and have you pull up a chair, my website before you, while I tell you of some days of yore. I have experienced life much differently than most of you. It was and is a good life. I hope to share nuggets of appreciation for those who have gone before me and those who come after me. By necessity you are among those who come after me and I will tell you of those who came before. Once upon a time in a little house on a prairie - oops, change that lest I commit plagiarism - and change that “house on the prairie” to “dugout on the prairie.” So my story begins...
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13 Responses to A SINNER’S MISERY

  1. Frank Hubeny says:

    I especially liked this sentence from Fred’s letter: “If God would grant me fifty more years of life. I’d say, instead, just give me two with my wife.”

  2. atimetoshare.me says:

    What an exceptional look at the battles each of us fight within ourselves every day. When we come to God, we’re taking the first step. He’s there just waiting for us to make that move. I think the writer was penitent. I’d like to believe that he did beat his problem and came to terms with life again. We’re all in the same boat, aren’t we?

    • oneta hayes says:

      There was a picture in an old scrapbook that I posted on a family page in FB. It brought me into contact with some of his great grandchildren. I hope I can find out whether or not his second family were also plagued by his drinking habits or if he really rose out of it. His brother was my grandfather. Liver cirrhosis (sp?) was a factor in his death. Bad problem. But my grandfather was always docile and kind and I never saw him appear drunk.

  3. pranabaxom says:

    I am moved beyond words Oneta.

    We pay for our deeds.

    Oh, the crutches we use for our misdeeds.

    On another side note: no wonder I love my partner so much😀, I am born in this week too. So you are a Capricorn? Ah, the fun of locking horns😀

    • oneta hayes says:

      I think I was skipped by the star’s influence. My life was ordered by their Maker. Truthfully I don’t know about a Capricorn; I thought it was something that starts with an A – Augitarious? But then, I am seldom agitated, so that doesn’t fit.

      • pranabaxom says:

        I heard about Sagittarius but not about Augitarious.

        • oneta hayes says:

          😀 Are either of them dinosaurs?

          • Faye says:

            The Dawning of the Age Of Aquarius, popularized by rock and pop stars of the 1960’s shook civilized countries world wide . Suddenly all the doors were flung open to the occult. Even speaking with the dead and sitting on remote mountaintops and embracing the Universe became more popular than morality or the TRUTH of Biblical Foundations.
            I know, I lived through it, and KNOW how dangerous deception from dark influences can be on young searching and seeking minds.. Knowing about star signs and stuff is interesting but if cultural norm is saying…………..New enlightenment from the darkness is better than rigidity of past standards. DANGEROUSLY WRONG! Free love – no responsibility and I can do or behave However I want. In this sphere the universe guides me to be happy and totally FREE Lucky indeed was I to have great teachers and parents who did not compromise to be popular. Again thank you for your posts. .

          • pranabaxom says:

            Soon you and I shall be.

  4. Faye says:

    Thank you for sharing. A rather graphic reminder of what in past days was a major cause of much suffering.
    Sadly in our society today, add drugs, lack of personal accountability, and NO God awareness and the belief that we can live pure lives without a Saviour, no wonder many lives continue to unravel.
    I hope you find in your story the man did find his way HOME.
    Happy 2021 Birthday to you for whenever it occurs. Strength, Peace and in His Grace the ongoing ability to write and share so well. Appreciated.

    • oneta hayes says:

      Faye, I answered this earlier. It blew off somewhere so I waited a while to see if it would come back. It didn’t. Thanks for the comment. I don’t know about Uncle Fred’s ability to overcome his addiction. As I get more acquainted perhaps I’ll find out. Maybe not. All his children have passed and his grandchildren are older of near my age so there’s not many of them left either. None that I know of.

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