WHY ME, LORD
“Why me, Lord, what have I ever done to deserve even one, of these blessings from you.” (Kris Kristofferson) I find in Psalms 91:14 “Because she loves me, says the Lord, I will rescue her. I will protect her, for she acknowledges my name.” And Psalms 18:19 “The Lord rescued me because he delighted in me.” Oh, but I’m getting ahead of my story. So we’ll go back to the facts – As Sergeant Friday says: “Just the facts, ma’am, just the facts.”
On June 28, 2013, I went with Tom, Karen, and Carl for a family reunion at my cousin Sherol’s in Grandby, CO. We stopped at John’s in Colorado City that night. I walked the blocks nearby on Friday morning. Got extremely winded on a slight incline. Commented that the altitude was getting to me. We went on to Grandby and checked into a motel. Went on over to Sherol’s and joined the group to go out to eat. No problems.
On Friday morning I walked from our room to Carl’s room about six doors down from us. Had to sit down to rest on the way back; had a queer kind of pain in my back as I sat there. Again, I reported to Karen that the altitude was bothering me. We went to Sherol’s. I went in to take a nap. Got up a few minutes and told Sherol I was going back to sleep. I asked her not to tell anyone I was sleeping again; I didn’t want to be known as a party pooper. I got up, ate lunch, and visited around some. I don’t know what time I sat down to talk to Shelly, but I talked only a few minutes when I had a vicious pain all through my chest and back. I guess I cried out in pain. Carl said, “Mom, are you all right?” I said, “Yes” then “No”. By that time I heard Sherol calling 911 and giving directions to her house. EMT arrived. Precious, loving young people! The one who seemed to be the leader asked me if I wanted them to do everything they could to keep me alive – even CPR. I told him yes. I remember him giving me nitroglycerine; after a bit he gave me another one. I faintly remember being in a large room and a doctor telling me that he had sent for Life Flight and I was going to be sent to Denver. I remember objecting a bit. Then it was lights out for me. Karen said I asked if I had to go; the doctor responded “Yes, Ms Schoolteacher, Ma’am. Y-E-S.” I said, “What if I don’t?” He muttered mostly under his breath, “Then it’s Kerput.”
Karen told me that almost everyone in my family hit the floor in prayer almost as soon as I cried out. She especially mentioned Mary Ann and Vonnell. For that I believe I lived the intervening hours to the Denver operating room. I don’t know who notified Facebook and my church friends, but I do know there were many praying for me for the next several days. I am so thankful. I am amazed at the number of people who cared. I have a new appreciation for EMT, doctors, Flight team for their decisions to do everything in their power to keep life in me. I’m afraid I had bought into young people not appreciating their elders!
So I arrived in the operating room. The reality regarding all that has to be hear-say mostly from what the doctor told my sisters. The doctor said they did not have time to do tests beforehand so they went in “blind” to make repairs. The operation lasted 14 hours but the doctor said they got finished sooner than he had expected and he was confident that my heart was repaired and would be no more problem. But the danger of infection was great. And there was need for close watch on me to avoid pneumonia. Apparently there was damage caused to the lungs, somehow causing much water in my body; I don’t know what I’m talking about in all this, but I have a “catalog” of hospital records to show something like that. Dr. Dimitri Kaufman (lung doctor) has written “Pulmonary edema, due to acute aortic dissection.” Dr. Walker, the heart surgeon, did say it was a near impossibility that I made it to the hospital alive and twice that that I got out of the operation alive. His diagnosis was “Type 1 aortic valvular dissection, severe aortic valvular insufficiency, and acute heart failure.”
My next move into reality was hearing someone ask me if I knew where I was. I responded correctly. Then she asked who the president was; again I responded correctly. Then she asked if I knew the season. I tried so hard to be right but I wasn’t; I said, “I think it’s winter.” She said, “No, don’t you remember – summer, Fourth of July is coming up.” I asked the day; she said it was Tuesday. I guess I flunked the test, because they must have sedated me again. Next thing I am being asked the same simple questions. I laughed at the easy questions. She said, “Well, we need to know what you know.” I said, “I know everything. Well, not everything – but everything I knew before.” I guess they liked that answer because it was “get you well and moving” time! I made great progress; however, I was in ICU 13 days. I was placed with my doors open to the nurses’ station. Some of my nurses had been present during the operation. They were lovely about that. One told me that they had called for Dr. Walker as soon as Life Flight went out. She spoke of how fortunate I was that he was available. On my walks around the hall, many would comment about my progress. I could tell I was a “plum” to those folks. They knew a lot that I did not know!
Anyway, after 13 days there I went to another floor to ICU Step-down. Main difference, my roo
m was in a corner down the hall (a sure sign of getting well), and there I could take a bath. I was discharged from there on Monday, July 15, and got home the next day. I came home with an oxygen tank, but didn’t have to keep it long. The doctors in Denver expected my doctors here to put me in Rehab but they (primary and cardiac) gave me hardly the time of day except to say it looked like I was lucky to be alive. I didn’t even rate a real check with the cardiac doctor; I saw his PA who made an appointment for October 23. Hopefully that shows how well I’m doing not how poorly the doctors are doing.
I didn’t even pick up a Bible in Denver, but when I got home I tried to re-establish a Bible reading routine, but for nearly two weeks I couldn’t get past Ps 91 “he rescued me because I love him, He protected me because I know his name.” I’m glad. I do love him and know his name – Jehovah-rohi, God my healer. But I still don’t know Why Me, Lord, and not others who love him and whom he loves. So I’m back where I started, Why Me, Lord, what have I ever done, to deserve this blessing from you?
My goodness, Oneta, we do have much in common. I had just turned 60 and had open heart surgery the next month. The thing I remember the most is that everyone around me was scared, but me. I saw the concern and wonder on the faces of the very long line of friends and family when I spent more time comforting them while they prayed for me. I knew God was with me. It was the first time in my life I faced such a life-threatening situation and felt nothing but peace, and love, and trust that no matter what, things would turn out exactly the way they were supposed to. And they did. I can’t wait to get to know you better. I think I will learn so much from you. Thank you, Father, for bringing our paths together. Amen!
We really do share much in common. Now I must know if your grandchildren are as beautiful and smart as mine! That’s a challenge! How do I say “just joking” on blog? Surely there is something equal to Facebook’s lol. We will do lots of learning together. Right now I’m wondering how to follow you. I read your blog regarding the schism caused by a gossip. Guess I don’t have the answer. Maybe my blog, God the Victor would help, but I couldn’t pull up the page when I tried. I’m on kindle now but maybe tomorrow I can provide link when I get to my laptop. Now, good night.
Good morning! There should be a FOLLOW button on my page. That’s how I marked your blog as one I want to follow. I have to get my chores done this morning before I look at my blog page. If I go there now I’ll get nothing done around the house. Work before fun. Isn’t that what we tried to teach our children?!
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Oh my, what a testimony!!!! I’m walking beside so many who are battling cancer….so life and death issues have been on my mind and I’ve wanted to blog about what we are all going through….but in time since it’s my stepdad right now…and the stepkids aren’t all getting along all that well during this process…but God is good and I know HE is working some miracles. Much like yours!
You’ve nominated my travel blog, but I like my personal blog so much better these days….where I am sharing my journey of faith. It’s https://LifetimeOfForgiveness.wordpress.com
Appreciate your blog and latest nomination.
Debbie, I went to your personal blog. Glad to read about your mom and step dad. And the baby is luscious looking. If I had know of that blog, I would have gladly added it. Hopefully someone you nominate can return the nomination to your second blog. If I accept another sometime, I will try to remember! Indeed, God is good and working in us and for us to accomplish good for his kingdom. We are blessed whether we recognize it or not.
Ouch! May I ask when this happened?? The dissecting aorta??
Dawnliz, I entered operation room about 11:30 June 30, 2013, so it has been two and a half years ago. I had had a serious hernia operation in February, the doctor had refused to operate unless I could pass a stress test. I passed it but he told me at that time, I had serious heart problems, I went about my business and basically forgot about it. He was right! When the doctor in Denver did the surgery, he repaired replaced the aorta valve with mechanical one and repaired a second valve. He said he could not reach another valve that was leaking some but he didn’t think it would be any problem and he didn’t think he should be more intrusive at that time. My doctor here agrees. I have a eco-gram (?) regularly. It shows a mild leakage but is not getting any worse. Thanks for caring.
…Because His steadfast love never ceases and he doesn’t need your say so to bless and love you beyond word’s.
Okay, I understand your plain talk! Sometime I will learn that he does not need my understanding to do what he knows is best in every circumstance. Thanks, dear Jacque.
My pleasure my lady Oneta 🙂
We are glad you are here and we can get to know you better too 😀 It is amazing, those psalms.
Yes, indeed, SarahC. Thanks for reading and commenting.
Psalm 91 is definitely a good one. Joseph Prince has a new book out about it. Glad you are here with us–Praise God 🙂
I’ll be over to check out your posts soon. Thanks for reading.
You’re most welcome–and I’ll see you again soon at your blog 🙂 🙂
I went over and see some of the problem. I could not find a follow button. E-mail contact but I do not do that. If you are following me and leave comments I’ll catch you. Or if I just overlooked your “follow.” let me know where it is. I did like your posts.
God must have blessed you so that you can share your experiences to the world and help others out in the journeys of their lives.
God wills to bring good out of all sufferings his children have to endure. Thanks for reading and commenting, sandeept.
Oneta, looking through the threads, this happened sometime in 2016? God was certainly and is certainly watching over you. Prayer is powerful. I am glad you are still with us to share and minister.
Karen, the heart thing happened in 2013. I can’t tell you why I could not write about it but it took a couple of years to “internalize” the matter. (I did write it in “journaling” for myself. I do not lose the details even today. It was just too intense. Too personal. I cry right now. I could not take it out and look at it. I finally decided that God had a purpose in it beyond just affecting me, so I shared. Still not comfortable talking about it. In one way there was peace, but in another it was unsettling/conflicting (I don’t know the word). That “hoop” thing was the source of my concern. I was never scared (except when I though the nurse was trying to kill me. That part has turned funny. I’m sure she must have been trying to get medicine down me. I remember the little girl who waited for me more than anyone else. I have concerns there. Everyone else I knew and expected to be there, but why a little girl I don’t know? Maybe God will open that up to me some day.
You are safe in His hands. Love you, sis
Yes, I cannot feel any safer. And thanks for claiming me. 😀
Well, this has just had me in tears. What a beautiful testimony you have! When most people would be saying, “Why me Lord, why would You let this awful thing happen to me?” You were asking why you deserved such a blessing. And I can certainly understand that. Most people that know me, know that I am very fond of making it known that were I to thank God for allllllll the many blessings he’s given me, even the little things, I wouldn’t have a breath left to live on! When anyone asks my husband, “How are you?” he says, “Better than I deserve.” You are a true inspiration!
Stacy, I don’t know how I failed to catch this sweet comment at the time you made it. Sorry. It is just to good to overlook even though I terrible late. I’m going over to your blog now and see what else I have been missing.
It’s okay, Oneta 🙂 God’s timing is more perfect that you know! He wanted me to see this post again, this very night at this very time. He knows and He works all things together for good. I’m so thankful for that! I haven’t been as busy in my blog lately as I should be. There’s so much, but sometimes I feel so inadequate to speak. Keep me in your prayers, as I am praying for you.
He does work in ways that are amazing. I visited your blog. I like you short powerful messages. Didn’t find a follow button. Do you have one? I came here tonight to answer the comment below which came in today. The timing is amazing. I’m thankful, God has shown you in a special way that he is very much involved with what is going on with you right now.
I thought I had a follow button and just went to try to add one, but I can’t find it. I do have a section on the right hand side where you can sign up with email, but that’s the only option it seems to allow me to offer. Thank you…so very much!
😀 I’ll try to catch you. I haven’t been doing the e-mail thing.
I understand 🙂 If I can find that follow button to add, you’ll be the first to know!
Oh Oneta I read this almost with tears. I’m so thankful you came out okay. Your story is a story of courage, and faith. I’m truly inspired! May God protect you and keep you in good health xx
Thank you so much, Leila. So glad we have made a connection. I am doing well. God is amazing. Be blessed and good night from Oklahoma. 😀
Me too! Good night and God bless 😊
What a strong person you are Oneta.
I will be careful in future about butting head with you😊
Ah, shucks, who can take your place! 😀