MY HEALTH STORY BEGINS

Last week I had a red rash on my legs; it didn’t hurt, didn’t even itch; however,  I went to the doctor.  How did I ever arrive to that kind of dependence on a doctor after so many years of dependence on Jesus alone for my health needs?  I’ll tell my story.

MY HEALTH STORY will include a lot of experience, several ounces of opinion, with an ounce or two of scripture! Feel free to correct my opinion with scripture when needed! Remember I am telling MY story; it will be probably be much different than yours. Our Father Creator is wonderfully adept at making us each unique with unique experiences. However, we can learn from each other’s experiences. I hope for that. I’m glad for a few likes, amens, and sic-ums as I tell of my experiences and tell you several lessons I have learned or am learning and give you my opinion about some reasons I believe God chose to say no when I sought Him and believed in Him to give me divine healing after more than fifty years of his having done that for me.

What were the factors that contributed to my not going to a doctor for over fifty years?  Why did I choose not to go to the doctor?  Do I agree that God has given doctors their knowledge and skills to perform great wonders for the physical health of humanity?  Yes, but as a replacement for Him? I don’t think so! Well, not a replacement, just an assistant? I don’t think so.  God is a compassionate God, full of grace and mercy, who loves all people – a world full of people who know nothing of his love and healing power.  I thank him for the healing he allows and directs through the medical field.

I was not taught by either my family or my church that it was wrong to go to a doctor.  But we were a hardy bunch with overall good health.  Probably high immunity since we cared little about how close the water well was to the barn yard, using a common cup to drink from, sharing an outhouse, or other matters of that kind.  Few families went to the doctor.  I guess mostly because they did not think they needed to.  Perhaps expense was a factor but I never heard anything about it.  I was taken to a dentist one time for some mouth infection – maybe trench mouth. I remember it particularly because I fainted – a strange experience for me!  Daddy was with me.  I wonder why mother wasn’t.

I had mumps when I was a senior in high school.  That timing was unfortunate.  My family had gone to Oregon.  I went out to the coast first evening then was sick for the remainder of my West Coast trip!  I don’t remember ever missing school or church because of any other sickness.  I had bad headaches as a preteen, but I started wearing glasses when I was fourteen.  That took care of that issue.  I don’t remember taking much aspirin because I was convinced I couldn’t swallow them.  I do remember giving them a try by telling myself that it was no bigger than a pinto bean and I was sure I must have swallowed some of them whole without even knowing it!

When I was a seventeen, my mother was very sick for several weeks or months.  Church leaders came to pray for her one night in the early morning hours.  I guess daddy went to town to get them; we did not have a phone.  She got up next morning did the cooking and other duties, ate normally – I remember her laughingly eating an onion as a real test of her healing experience.  She had overall good health after that for many years.  I believe it was an instant divine healing.  That left a real impact on me.

 

************************************************************************************

Continuing my talk with God, as recorded in Put Me In Remembrance, written about 2000.  This was after many years of have God alone as my Healer, no doctor.  And it was before 2012, when  basically that all changed.  But still what is written here is what I believed then and what I believe now.  My actions have changed but I still believe what  I believed then.

SOME GENERAL COMMENTS REGARDING SOME THINGS I’VE FOUND OUT ABOUT YOUR HEALINGS TO ME:

Many times you heal me almost immediately. At least within minutes. I most often,
however, have to really affirm my faith in you, knowing I can put up with some pain
to achieve the gain I get in trusting you. I think of the time something was hurting
me. I was standing at the mirror fixing my face. I sensed you asking me if the
pain was too much to bear. I said it was not; that I have your promise that nothing will come to me that is too much to bear. That has been one of the issues on which I place my trust in you. You always have come to my aid before it was too much. I do not believe you get joy out of allowing the pain to be great, but that principle has grown my faith. I have with tongue in cheek, said if you want me to be in a hospital, you can make me unconscious; then someone else can make the decision to send me. I really don’t think that will happen.

Just recently I realized, Lord, that I do not think of you as my doctor anymore. You are my healer. That is much different than a doctor.

I mentioned above about some problems have been recurring ones. Some would question whether or not you healed me if the problem came back.  What I have found out about that.  Almost every time you have healed me, the problem comes back within a short time, generally much less severe.  My first impulse is to fear and question the healing.  Then I realize I am just being tested, or maybe it is a reminder to say thanks again, or maybe it is a trick of the devil.  As I write that last possibility, I find that my spirit counteracts that.  That is interesting.  I feel like that cannot be a possibility.  In fact tears are flowing as I realize he has nothing to do with the marvel of your care for me.  I’m surprised  because he did come against Job.  I do have some learning to do on this, don’t I?

      Another thing I have noticed. When a person goes to a doctor and takes medicine, he allows time for the medicine to work. If the problem comes back, he goes back to the doctor to get more medicine. No one says the medicine didn’t work or the doctor didn’t help him. Why say you didn’t heal if the problem comes back? I more than likely keep up the same behavior which caused the problem the first time. When it causes me to have the same illness again; it doesn’t mean you didn’t heal me. I just have to go back again. For example, I know I do not drink enough water. That is probably the cause of the recurring bladder problem.  I weigh too much. That likely causes some of the knee problem. Jesus, I marvel that you continue to rescue me.

Lord, about the things I accept from the “medical” world. I ‘wear glasses, take
aspirin for headaches, take vitamin C. I guess just because I consider those
things as being minor enough for man to do.

If I were to be injured and have broken bones or see the blood flow, I would
probably race to the hospital. I would like to have the kind of faith that could
sustain in those times, but I doubt that I do. Maybe I figure the doctors can do
that. But in my head I know you could too.   I don’t want to be tested on this. I
just cling to “no more than I can bear”. You know how much that is, I don’t. And
when I say that, I’m not talking about physical pain, I’m talking about being able to
keep my faith in you and you alone.

One thing that bothers me is this. I do not feel secure in letting others know about
my not having a doctor. There are so many warnings and dire predictions about
having check ups, getting flu shots, and all that stuff. I sit quietly through all that
mum as a mouse until someone says, “Who’s your doctor?”   If I say, I don’t have one.” They say, “You’d better get one.” If I tell about you, I feel bad – like I’m
boasting or like I feel that I am super holy. I find that it is much easier to have
faith in you if I don’t talk about it. You know about some of the maladies I have
which you have not removed. I see them as things which keep me close to you;
others would see me as a fool. So I just pray no one notices. Cowardly, huh?

And another thing. Why do I pay for health insurance? Is that kind of like my
treasuring my sick leave days? Well, these are some things which keep me
doing that. First, I don’t want the issue brought up (as discussed above).
Second, I think it is a part of “communal” living, sort of being a good citizen.
Third, I am not absolutely sure that I will never need it. I think I will not, but you
alone know. I have found that your sovereign will goes beyond what I think.
(More about this later.) I do not have faith in my faith; my faith is in you. What-
ever your will is, so be it. And last, I love to know that when I make a decision
not to go to the doctor, it has nothing to do with trying to save money. Without
insurance, that would be a big issue.

l conflict about the issue of the Church being almost entirely accepting of
Christians relying on the medical community. I don’t want to be critical and I do
acknowledge that you are responsible for all good things. I know there are God-
called Christian doctors, BUT. .. I always come out with a BUT. .. Your word is so
clear that you want and enjoy being a healer.  “It is better,” you say. I so much enjoy being
dependent on you. Who is going to teach my grandchildren about divine
healing? Who will show them that it is more than a theological premise? An
inspiring sermon topic? As medical science becomes more efficient, our
reliance shifts to it. I’m sorry, Lord.

There are many times when people are prayed for; then they go right on to the
doctor and never know what you would have done without the doctor.   One
time I asked a woman what happened after she was prayed for. She said she
was getting better but she didn’t know how much you had done because she
had started taking her medicine. I know the argument could be made that that
was your way of healing her, but I really don’t believe it. I think the glory was
given to man instead of you. I believe you will give the desires of the heart. If
we desire doctors, we get doctors; if we desire you, we get you.

The only scripture that really helps me relating to people turning to doctors is Psalms
118:7 The Lord taketh my part with them that help me. But then the very next
verse is the “it is better” passage. How often you must be sold out! Makes YOU
look impotent!

I found it rather amusing and somewhat distressing some time ago when a
person who had prayed for me, asked me later if I had gone to the doctor to see
what was wrong! Sometimes I find curiosity is a powerful motive to see a doctor.
I guess there must be something about us that likes the attention we can get if
we can name our disease. Reminds me of the tombstone epitaph that said, “I told you I was sick!” Isn’t that funny? Lord, I love you. I sit here and cry at the
idea I told you a joke. You are so precious, my Lord and my Love.

What about those who believe, yet die? Elisha, the great miracle worker, died from an illness.  You are God. Most of those who really have that belief in you, seem to be satisfied with the option to just go on to you although they are certainly not ready to give up this life. Those I know have gone in peace.

I ask you, Lord, to give Carl special grace and excellent wisdom in his work with hospice people. Help him to be able to extend your grace and peace to those who have to turn loose this life. Keep your dear children who are in that situation.

I affirm to you that my faith is in you as my healer; faith in faith is nothing. Was
that what happened that night so many years ago, when that baby died? After
praying for that child, my heart sang with rejoicing as I believed you had healed
her. She died. (Roger is here, I have to go. There’s more to the story. I’II be
back) … I’m back. Let me go on. About the baby who died. Do you remember?
She was born with cancer. They said it was almost the size of a grapefruit – in
her stomach. I don’t know why I so sincerely and joyfully believed she would be
healed. I had prayed. I thought the answer came from you; I thought you had
healed her. It was a blow when I found out she had died. It shook me, but, you
know, Lord, somehow it didn’t shake my faith in you; it just shook my faith in my
faith. I can’t explain it. I only know that after that I always knew that it didn’t
matter what I felt like, you were still God and you would be God forevermore
doing what is necessary for the good of your kingdom. So many things I don’t
understand but as time has gone on I have seen some reasons why what
happened might have happened. But overall I would like the baby to have lived.
Could I have taken it with grace had she been my own dear child? By the way, I
don’t know whether or not I have ever said thanks because her mother did not
have cancer, that she was well and healthy. She has raised two other children
for you. Thank you for that, Jesus.

I believe you gave me some insight on the healing power of communion. Take,
eat. This is my body which is broken for you. As I take the bread, I thank you for
the fact that it will be utilized by every cell of my body. What a medicine! I get
so upset every time I read the passage about Pilate saying you were an innocent
man – yet he offers you up for beatings. I guess that had to be for the healing of
my body. Your precious body broken and beaten for my healing; your precious
blood given for my salvation. The bread and the wine. Jesus, precious Jesus.

Thanks for bringing me through that “bad spell” this spring. Suffice it to say, I
really believed I was having a heart attack. I’m hesitant to write this because if
anyone besides you reads this, they would be so troubled because I “didn’t do
anything,” meaning I didn’t go to a doctor. But, yes, I “did something”. I trusted.
Trust seems on the surface to be an inactive verb. It is not. I talk to students
about “active” reading; I tell them to put their minds to it. That’s also trust. (No record of what you have done for me can be near fair if I cannot write about that experience;
but I’m having a hard time. Please help me.) Every concern pounded my mind. Family
first. How upset they would be if I did die! They would be mad at me and maybe
you, too. (Hey, I finally used that word – die. I’m making some progress.) Legal matters.
Nothing is ready. What about all my stuff? I needed to get rid of excess. Who
will know which of my books is worth something? Hope they don’t go in a
garage sale for fifty cents each! (I’m getting into this a bit more now. It can even be
somewhat humorous.) I wanted to lose some weight before going to heaven. I’d
hate to be overweight forevermore. Of course when I get there I’ll be compared
to Rembrandt’s ladies, rather than Hollywood’s. (I told you I was beginning to get
funny about this.)

I said trust is an active verb. So, how did I act? First, I had to lay aside panic.
You did not give me a spirit of fear, II Tim 1 :7. What I was afraid of, was that it
would get worse. I remembered my “is it more than you can bear” experience.
Did I still believe it? Yes, I did. I Cor 10: 13. Churchill – no, I think, Roosevelt
said, “The only thing we have to fear, is fear itself.” is not true. We have to fear
the things our fears may make us do. Would my fear make me turn to man,
rather than you. Was I afraid of man? No, I don’t think so; there are a lot of
successful heart surgeries. It was just that I did not want to give up my
dependence on you for my health. I didn’t think of this scripture, but it is a good
one – Ps 56:3 & 4 What time I am afraid, I will trust in thee. In God I will praise
his word, in God I have put my trust... How many times the Psalms say to trust
in you! Rest in you! Delight in you’ Commit to you!

     In God, I will praise his word ... That brings me to my next action. As Samuel
encouraged himself in the Lord his God 1 Samuel 30:6, I also encouraged my-
self in you by remembering your past healings to me and reminding myself of
your word, particularly those I have already mentioned.

Clyde had a heart attack ten years ago. Karen told me he said he knew he was
not going to die when he read Ps 115: 17 The dead praise not the Lord, neither
any that go down into silence. These scriptures became healing to me.

Ps 118: 17 I shall not die, but live, and declare the works of the Lord.

Ps 9:13 & 14 ... thou that fittest me up from the gates of death; that I may shew
forth all thy praise in the gates of the daughter of Zion… (I had been going to the
church pretty regularly to pray. I felt that it really mattered to you that I come to worship you.   That thought leaves me speechless. I feel like Job when he said he would cover his lips. He  had nothing more to say. You care that I come to talk to you!)

Ps 150:6 Let every thing that hath breath praise the Lord. Praise ye the Lord.
Ps 56: 13 For thou hast delivered my soul from death: wilt not thou deliver my
feet from falling, that I may walk before God in the light of the living?

Ps 119: 116 Uphold me according to thy word, that I may live

Ps 119: 175 Let my soul live, and it shall praise thee …

This line from a worship chorus took on added meaning: The reason I live is to
worship thee. The reason I live is to worship thee, AND I worship thee is the
reason I live.

Isaiah 38: 18 -20 For the grave cannot praise thee, death can not celebrate thee;
… The living, the living, he shall praise thee, as I do this day; … The Lord was
ready to save me: therefore I will sing my songs … all the days of my life in the
house of the Lord. (verse personalized)

Jeremiah 17: 14 Heal me, 0 Lord, and I shall be healed; save me and I shall be
saved: for thou art my praise.

I have said at previous times that I have never been too sick to go to church or to
fulfill necessary obligations. I ran across this scripture. Ps. 61:7 & 8 I shall
abide before God for ever: 0 prepare mercy and truth which may preserve me.
So will I sing praise unto thy name for ever, that I may daily perform my vows.
(verse personalized) Now I don’t really know that means that I may perform my
duties or obligations but it seems that way to me. I know that, although I was
sick for a period of days (probably three or four), I did not miss doing what I
needed to do.

I hardly have words to put to my thoughts right now, but I’ll try. There is lots of
talk about “whatsoever ye say, it shall come to pass” if you believe. (Mark 11 :23)
It has to be right, your word says it. But don’t actions speak louder than words!
How can one trust you for healing and plan to be sick at the same time!

For instance:

Don’t set the alarm for Sunday morning because I’m sick Saturday night.
Call in sick leave for the rest of the week because I have a terrible cold.
Make an appointment with a doctor because I have a pain.

Take an aspirin because I don’t want to hurt.

Schedule my annual check-up. (That one really gets me. I’m okay today but I
might not be tomorrow!)

Tell hubby to eat before he comes home because I’m sick.

Tell the CE Director I won’t be able to teach next quarter because “my

health is going downhill”.

Pay umpteen dollars for extended health benefits.

Pay enough at the health food store for the owner to go to Hawaii.

Go to the spa eight hours a week for my health’s sake; pray eight minutes
a week for my health’s sake.

 

But all the while, we are trusting, speaking, quoting your word, and teaching
divine healing! Would I have been better off not to put words to all those
thoughts?!! Well, at least I didn’t list taking diet pills to keep me from being too
fat! Oops.

Getting back to the subject of death. Some people seem to be willing to go
through anything to prolong death; others would rather die than be in extended
pain; some suicides indicate some people would even rather die than lose their
independence or be unhappy. I somewhat understand all of that, but basically I
don’t want to die until you’re ready to take me, neither do I want to live after
you’re ready.

I think there are few things as tragic as a Christian staying alive
on life support, yet I don’t think I could “pull the plug” on anyone, There is a
saying “Oh, what a tangled web we weave, when first we practice to deceive.”
I say, Oh, what a tangled web begun, when half-true lies fell from the serpent’s tongue!
The “tree to be desired to make one wise” has resulted in such a tangle of
technology! “Ye shall be as gods, knowing good from evil” was the enticement
but the line between good and evil seems to be beyond man’s judgment. Where
does the wisdom relating to good and evil come in, in cloning? Even worse, the
reaping of fetus organs! But man’s response is “Look how many lives we can
save!”

And increasing the average life span of man is the most noble goal in the
medical community. How much is that average raised by medicated, drugged
and distressed men and women lying in hospitals and rest homes? If aborted
babies were figured in, with zero life spans, we would not have achieved much!
How much I want to be in your hands, the ultimate in wisdom, love, mercy and
judgment! (Lord, I remind myself this was to be a paper of my remembrances of your mercies to me. I got on a kick there, didn’t I?)

What of the future? I don’t know. I’ve said before, I don’t know that I’ll not go to
a doctor – today even. My choice or yours. I believe that is your plan sometimes.
Even within the last month, I suggested that someone go be checked out before
his insurance was canceled because of a job change, I told someone else not to
feel guilty because of continuing her medication, I advised someone else to sell
some property to pay for heart surgery. I have never told anyone to throw them-
selves on you and you alone. Am I a chicken? I did tell someone that if you give
them a promise – a scripture to stand on, then stand on it. That is what you did
for me with the “it is better‘ scripture.

Lord, I have been on this subject so long. How much more do I have to
experience on the healing issue? I have no idea. Maybe “II be back for more
but, then, on the other hand, perhaps I’ll never have another pain. I might get
some answers for these present issues which I have in your care. If so, I’ll come
back and add some more. How nice computers are! How wonderful you are! My
story has not ended.

Continuing My Story of Healing.  From sometime about 1960 when Roger was born to 2012, God healed me in amazing ways.  I had a doctor only on paper for work purposes, insurance, etc.  Never went to one.  About 2010 or something like that a growth began in my stomach area.  It continued growing, I ignored it as long as I could.  My sister, Verna, first confronted me.   I sought out friends to pray for me when I finally had to confess to having a problem.  The “tumor” continued growing.  My family and friends were very concerned but I turned a deaf ear to them.  So I entered a period of sickness in 2012, sure that God would heal me if I just continued to place my trust in him and not seek medical help. The “tumor” did not hurt and I was not sick.

In April I had gone on a “field trip” with other seniors at my church.  We ate at a Mexican Restaurant.  I could not get through my meal.  Went to the restroom and vomited.  We were in a van.  The driver had to stop a couple of times for me to get out and vomit.  At least one of those times we were in a very nice neighborhood and I was polluting their street in a unsightly manner.  I was humiliated beyond belief.  My friends were kind; they lovingly put up with the situation.   I think someone finally found me a Walmart bag or something that helped a bit.  I’ve forgotten some details.

For seven months after that I was violently ill.  Almost every day I would get sick and be in pain beginning mid afternoon until I could finally get relief by vomiting, generally about midnight to two o’clock am.  My mornings were normal without pain.  I lost about seventy pounds in those seven months dropping from over 200 pounds to 139.  Very few supported my determination to not see a doctor.  Sammy urged me to go, but honored my decision.

I did seek God for an answer, but the only scripture that stuck in my mind was “Wait on the Lord: be of good courage, and he shall strengthen thine heart: wait, I say, on the Lord.”  Psalms 27:14  along with the feeling that I would bring honor to God’s name if I could wait it out.

In November I gave in and told Sammy to make an appointment with the doctor.  When I did it seemed as though the “Wait on the Lord…” scripture faded and was replaced with words from Philippians 1:6  “I will fulfill what I have begun in you..”  I believe this is somewhat out of context but it is still what came to me and helped me cope with my “crash” in consenting to go to the doctor.

The “tumor” was a hernia.  My age was an issue so I had to jump through loops to get an operation.  In that process, I was informed of heart issues.  The surgery successfully removed the cause of my sickness.

Enough for today.  I will be back to tell about the “side effects” of my decision to go to the doctor.  Questions, doubts, and God’s faithful love and patience with me.

BEING ON THE POTTER’S WHEEL