Last week I had a red rash on my legs; it didn’t hurt, didn’t even itch; however, I went to the doctor. How did I ever arrive to that kind of dependence on a doctor after so many years of dependence on Jesus alone for my health needs? I’ll tell my story.
MY HEALTH STORY will include a lot of experience, several ounces of opinion, with an ounce or two of scripture! Feel free to correct my opinion with scripture when needed! Remember I am telling MY story; it will be probably be much different than yours. Our Father Creator is wonderfully adept at making us each unique with unique experiences. However, we can learn from each other’s experiences. I hope for that. I’m glad for a few likes, amens, and sic-ums as I tell of my experiences and tell you several lessons I have learned or am learning and give you my opinion about some reasons I believe God chose to say no when I sought Him and believed in Him to give me divine healing after more than fifty years of his having done that for me.
What were the factors that contributed to my not going to a doctor for over fifty years? Why did I choose not to go to the doctor? Do I agree that God has given doctors their knowledge and skills to perform great wonders for the physical health of humanity? Yes, but as a replacement for Him? I don’t think so! Well, not a replacement, just an assistant? I don’t think so. God is a compassionate God, full of grace and mercy, who loves all people – a world full of people who know nothing of his love and healing power. I thank him for the healing he allows and directs through the medical field.
I was not taught by either my family or my church that it was wrong to go to a doctor. But we were a hardy bunch with overall good health. Probably high immunity since we cared little about how close the water well was to the barn yard, using a common cup to drink from, sharing an outhouse, or other matters of that kind. Few families went to the doctor. I guess mostly because they did not think they needed to. Perhaps expense was a factor but I never heard anything about it. I was taken to a dentist one time for some mouth infection – maybe trench mouth. I remember it particularly because I fainted – a strange experience for me! Daddy was with me. I wonder why mother wasn’t.
I had mumps when I was a senior in high school. That timing was unfortunate. My family had gone to Oregon. I went out to the coast first evening then was sick for the remainder of my West Coast trip! I don’t remember ever missing school or church because of any other sickness. I had bad headaches as a preteen, but I started wearing glasses when I was fourteen. That took care of that issue. I don’t remember taking much aspirin because I was convinced I couldn’t swallow them. I do remember giving them a try by telling myself that it was no bigger than a pinto bean and I was sure I must have swallowed some of them whole without even knowing it!
When I was a seventeen, my mother was very sick for several weeks or months. Church leaders came to pray for her one night in the early morning hours. I guess daddy went to town to get them; we did not have a phone. She got up next morning did the cooking and other duties, ate normally – I remember her laughingly eating an onion as a real test of her healing experience. She had overall good health after that for many years. I believe it was an instant divine healing. That left a real impact on me.
(This is a paper I wrote regarding a healing in 2009.)
LEST I FORGET
Of the ten lepers who were healed, only one returned to say thanks. Lest I should ever be one of the nine, I want to offer this testimony of thanks.
Oneta Hayes, April 4, 2009
Grandma (me) got hit by the wheelchair on March 19. I had been warned about sitting in it. But I forgot. As I stood up I put my hand down on the electric switch; and held on for dear life as it hit me in the rear. When I pitched forward my hand came off the switch, the chair stopped and I landed with a crash. I lay there thinking, “Well, now I’ve done it. No choice, someone will call emergency and I’ll land in a hospital whether I want to go or not!” It didn’t happen that way. I got to my feet with lots of aides pulling at me. I noticed with great wonder that my feet weren’t hurt although the chair had gone over them. Aides had to lift it off me. My knees weren’t hurt; what a surprise. But my hip area – hurts. I could hobble, however; so I did. Friday, Saturday, Sunday morning. Made it to church. But crashed there and had to be wheeled out.
I had been warned about the dangers of not “getting checked out.” A fracture could turn to a break, not seeing to broken bones could lead to some bad disease, etc. but other voices could not compare to my whispered fears – what if? But no matter “what if,’ still I knew Jesus was the only healer I could run to. Pastor had just preached about One Voice – to follow the voice of Jesus, the one who said my sheep know my voice. He warned against listening to the “voices in the land.” So I took help from dear church people to get me into my car and went home.
Sammy was not home when I got here. I basically dragged my left leg along as I made it from car to my desk. I stopped at one time and called for a friend to bring me a walker, but she couldn’t come immediately so I continued my trek to my desk. I marvel that I made it. I wonder what unseen help I must have had. Once I sat down I had very little pain. I had been reading the book of Isaiah, so I decided to continue where I had left off while waiting for Sammy to get home. Isaiah 46 is where I began. That is where I needed to be! Verse 3 and 4. ” .. .you whom I have upheld since you were conceived, and have carried since your birth. Even to your old age and gray hairs I am he, I am he who will sustain you. I have made you and I will carry you; I will sustain you and I will rescue you.” So began that journey of faith. .
I had to carry myself by arm strength via a walker, but it did provide a little mobility. I had almost no pain except for my arms hurting. I viewed “no pain” as a wonderful gift from God. However, pain WAS what kept me from walking. I could put a bit of weight on my toe, but I couldn’t put my foot flat. I don’t know what the problem was. Sometimes it felt like the bone at the side of the thigh, sometimes it felt like muscle soreness in the thigh and even below the knee, sometimes it felt like it must be a nerve problem; I couldn’t seem to “diagnose” the problem.
On Thursday Krissy drove her car to my front door so I could get in and guide her around to run some errands. However, the effort was tiring enough to make me give that up. I can’t believe how hard it was just to get my feet over the threshold, let alone the four inch step!
So I stayed home, watched TV, embroidered, read.
I marvel at how the Lord seemed to cause something to happen that would bring courage and hope. It was hard to get into the bed, but the end of day, Jesus was so present as I reviewed my backlog of scripture promises. Songs were medicine. Once as I labored to step up to the elevated hall floor, I began humming. What was the song? The words came to me. Each step I take, I know that you will guide me, to higher ground he ever leads me on. Is that not something! Those words just as I am trying to step up that four inches or so! One day this scripture popped out at me: In it’s time, I will do this swiftly (Is. 60:22). I laughingly shared that with Krissy and Sammy. A few days later when I was discouraged, Krissy reminded me of that scripture. It gave courage to me, and it was a pleasure to have Krissy be the one who reminded me. Sammy encouraged me to see a doctor, but he was constant in his support of me to make my choice, and he always encouraged my faith if that was my route to go.
One morning the presence of the Holy Spirit was so manifest as I prayed. I felt like getting up and walking. I stood up with the walker, lost my nerve, became hesitant, thought about how much it might hurt, and sat down. It came to my mind how marvelous it was when Jesus told the crippled man to take up his bed and walk. The guy did it!
Another support was given to me by Karen one day when she called and quoted Ps. 94:9 to me. Does he who implanted the ear not hear? Does he who formed the eye not see? What encouragement!
Wednesday I felt impressed to call Ryan and ask for him to have the Jr. Highs pray for me that night. I did that. I don’t know whether or not they did, but I know my obedience resulted in me sitting here in the room meditating during the time I knew they would be in service. After about an hour, I got up and took three or four real steps. Thursday, Friday, and Saturday brought vast improvements but still with dependence on the walker.
This morning, Sunday, I got up and got ready for church without the walker. I planned to go, but found I was entirely too tired and weak to do that, so I failed to reach my goal. I have moved about with and without the walker today. I remind myself that in his time, he will complete what he has begun.
When I got up this morning, I thought of Jesus telling the man to take up his bed and walk. So I decided to test the situation by making my bed properly. I did it. No walker.
So it is now close to bedtime. Carl and Vickie came to bring the car home. We ate Pizza. I think they probably came also to check on me, and pray for me. I’m thankful. The day has not been easy, but improving.
Please, Father, heal me completely. I long to be useful to you and your kingdom. Let me bring joy, healing, and happiness to your precious people this week.
And, thank you, Jesus.
July 6, 2009 – I have just run on to this unfinished story. It has been 3 months since the incident related above. I see that I wrote it on Sunday, April 5. I went back to work on Tues, April 7, but it was a bit rough. On Wednesday I was okay. I have been okay ever since; even back to the treadmill for a mile a day. No more pain in my hip or leg. Thank you, Jesus! The accident happened on March 19; the healing process was complete by April 8.
About twenty years ago I wrote a paper called “Put Me In Remembrance.” (Isaiah 43:26)
It begins: God keeps record of my acts for him but I cannot find that he keeps any record of what he does for me. Am I going to allow his wonderful acts for me be unrecorded? I wish I had kept better record but this will be my attempt to “put him in remembrance” and let him know how very, very much he means to me.
Remember I was writing to God. Believe me I did not lie nor stretch the truth!
And Lord, you have really done marvelous things in your healings for me. They have been astounding. One summer in Claremore my knee got so weak and sore. One day I was sitting in the car while Sammy was working on it – the car, not my knee. I was reading the Bible while waiting to be told when to crank the car or whatever I was in there for. I read Psalms 118:9 “It is better to take refuge in the Lord than to put confidence in princes”. That really came through to me that I should not go to the doctor but I should trust you to heal my knee. That became quite a test. I got to the place of crawling to the chair but mostly I could hobble around well enough to take care of myself. Roger got aggravated with me. Sammy finally said, “If your leg doesn’t get better by Monday, I want you to go to the doctor. That was so unlike him. Monday morning came and I was no better. I said, “Lord, if you don’t heal me today Sammy said I have to go to the doctor.” By noon my knee was well. I felt some slight weakness in it for a while when I would work in the yard but after a time that even became unnoticeable.
It was ten years before I had any other leg problems. This is what happened! I sure don’t understand but it Is what happened. Lois came to OKC to visit me. She was having a bad knee problem. We were in the car at Penn Square getting ready to go into J C Penny’s. She dreaded the walk. I told her about my experience as above. I reached over and touched her knee and prayed for it. When I did the pain left her knee. We did the mall thing and during the walk I noticed my knee beginning to get sore. I refused to acknowledge it but it continued to get worse and became quite a problem again. It got so bad it resulted in a most humiliating experience! The leg was bad but I persisted in going to a friend’s funeral. The nearest parking space was not far-far away but far for the circumstances. I supported myself on car hoods and the wall of the building until I got inside. After the service, they gave directions for all to walk down the center aisle, view the body, and go out the north door. I was sitting close to the north door; I knew I wouldn’t make it around and down the center aisle, so I stepped out of the pew thinking I would beat everybody out the north door. Instead, my knee went out and I fell in the aisle blocking it from the mourners who were coming that way. Thoughtful ushers detoured the procession, and came to get me out of the aisle! (Okay, it has almost been long enough for It to be funny by now – but not quite. We might laugh about it sometime though, you and I. Reminds me of the words in that song His Name is Jesus. It has this line in it, “we even laugh together.) Anyway, back to the leg. A nice fellow went and got my car for me, got me in it. I assured him I could drive safely, and I started out. Gas meter was on empty! I stopped at the station. Self service, of course. Barely got myself out of the car to the tank, put gas in but couldn’t walk inside to pay for it. Started crying. Another nice Person took my money in for me. I went home and went to bed. Next morning I could hardly get out of bed. I used a decorative doodad (I guess it was a wine rack I used to hold towels) to support me when I had to get up. I wouldn’t submit to a real cane, I called Mr. and Mrs. King to come and pray for me. They were the only people I could think of who I thought would just pray and not tell me to go to a doctor. How could I go to a doctor when I knew what you had done with my knee in Claremore! That is rather a sad commentary on our practice regarding the doctrine of healing, isn’t it? Yes, Lord, I do believe you also work through doctors but I couldn’t get past what the scripture said to me. Lord, you are a Marvel. Well, back to the knee again. You did begin a healing again. I was able to get up and go about my business but that time some of the pain and weakness was evident for quite a long time, several months anyway. But it has been okay for most, perhaps all, of this year. I’ve even been able to walk a mile a day with no problems. Mostly I’m able to just not willing.
******************So I wrote this to the Lord about 20 years ago. I’ve not had any problem with that knee although the doctor who did my hip surgery last year told me when he dismissed me from the hip injury that I needed to make an appt for my knee because I am walking bone on bone. Still believing that the Lord’s healing on it will last my lifetime. If he healed it, why isn’t the cartilage or whatever belongs there, there? I don’t know. Maybe he wants to see what I’m going to do about it now that the doctor says I need to. Well, my knee doesn’t hurt so I’m not going. 😀
About twenty years ago I wrote a paper called “Put Me In Remembrance.” (Isaiah 43:26) This is an excerpt from that paper. Remember I was writing to God. Believe me I did not lie nor stretch the truth!
Anointing with oil, James said (James 5:14). One time over in Claremore I was
having a hearing problem in my right ear. On my way to a cell group prayer, you (God)
told me to stop and get olive oil to be anointed and prayed for. The only bottle of
oil there was kind of large; I felt awkward about carrying it in to the prayer so I
managed to get it into my purse. When I arrived somewhat late, a discussion
was taking place. Someone said to me, “You’re an old-timer. What do you know
about anointing with oil?” Amazed, I told them I believed in it; “In fact,” I said, “I
just bought some so you all could anoint me with oil and pray for my ear.” They did
just that. Two days later while I was in my classroom, the proper hearing came
back into my right ear.
A follow up kind of thing relating to oil just happened last month here in Mustang.
On Sunday my right hand became terribly sore. Shaking hands was very painful.
When I woke Monday, the pain was even worse. I found it very difficult to brush
my teeth – even to the point that I attempted to brush with my left hand. Turning
the door knob was almost impossible. I was on the way to the Monday morning
meeting at church when I remembered the “oil” experience. I stopped at Larry’s
Grocery. As I entered I saw a sign on the door; it related to pain medicine that
was there available for Osteo-arthritis. A quick question came to my mind about
whether that would be good for me. Putting that aside, I went in to get the oil. As
I was leaving the store, I noticed my hand hardly hurt at all when I pushed the
door open. Could that really be? It was. There was hardly any pain left.
Perhaps it could be described as a bit of an ache. No, it wasn’t really even that
much. I could hardly wait to tell the folks at church that morning, while
demonstrating my ability to twirl my hand around with my purse in it. I did go
ahead in obedience having them to anoint and pray for me. The pain has not been
Since Grandma Rodgers, Daddy, and Mother all had very painful arthritis, I have
had to be especially alert to keep that threat turned over to you. The first
experience relating to it, was when I was quite young, possibly in my thirties. A
group of Muse people had gone to a meeting in preparation for a healing service.
(I think maybe for a Mario C. crusade.) The leader was explaining that they
did not plan to have a healing line; rather folks who needed prayer would be
invited to stand and other believers around them would pray for them. He said the
Lord would demonstrate what he would do right then and there. He asked
everyone to think of something that hurt them right then, then ask the person sitting by us to pray for us and God would heal us. I believe I was sitting by Alene P. I told
her the only thing I could feel wrong right then was some arthritis in my middle
finger, left hand. She prayed and the pain left immediately. That was a landmark
time in my faith for turning the arthritis threat to you. And, thanks also for the time
Margaret Johnson touched my heal in prayer. She had no reason except for you
to know about my foot problem that night. Lord, I have to keep reminding
myself to keep every word I write in absolute truth. You know I am not even
exaggerating these incidents. However, they are amazing almost beyond
I plan for this to be the last of the posts regarding times the Lord healed me in a divine kind of way with no help from medical field – medicine or doctors. As I’ve stated previously Put Me In Remembrance was written about 2000. There were other healings but none that I have written in detail. Some of the ones listed below need additional explanation, so what is written in blue are notes added tonight (8-8-19).
Another excerpt from “Put Me In Remembrance.”
Other times I never want to forget, for which I thank you (God) again. Do you remember?
The infected bladder at mother’s when she was so sick. I was determined not to worry her. And, God, you did it! Thank you.
That bladder problem has been a recurring one, but you have taken care of it each time. Long ago, I went to the doctor about that. Back about my twenties or so. Before my “call” to trust you for my healing. This problem has not been back for many years. I guess it was the problem when I was so sick at my mother’s as mentioned above. She passed in 1994, so that’s been a long time.
The time on the highway when my eyes went kuerpluey. I got off the road and went into the credit union to sit and decide what to do. I sat in there until you rescued me. Thanks. There were other recurring incidents of that but not nearly so bad, or so scary. Note Aug. 8, 2019 It has been quite a long time now since that happened. I don’t know what that was. It happened when I was in the hospital. I think in Denver, 2013. I told the doctor. They did an CAT; anyway nothing showed up. It was troublesome to me, quite scary. I don’t really know how to explain, but things would look all cracked up so I couldn’t focus pin point vision. If I was driving, I would pull off the road and try to get in a populated area in case I had a stroke or something. Still happens occasionally but much less severe. I’m still trusting the Lord for that situation.
Remember the back ache one Saturday. It was so painful until the next morning when I got ready for Sunday School. You healed it and I carried on my Sunday morning duties.
And do you remember the fear I had about the bump on my tongue when the dentist told me to have it checked. (to have a biopsy – scared the liver out of me) The amazing peace you gave to me. (I wrote that up somewhere. I need to find it and add it to this paper.)
One night I thought I had heart attack. It sure hurt. Thanks for the touch. I have a note in my Bible regarding this incident. I opened my Bible to Psalms 18:4-6. “The cords of death entangled me; The torments of destruction overwhelmed me. The cords of the grave coiled around me. The snare of death confronted me. In my distress I cried to the Lord. I cried to my God for help. From his temple he heard my voice. My cry came before into his ears.” I have marked in the margin: June 18, 1999 2:15 am. I am amazed that I opened to that scripture at that time. I had never even noticed the scripture before that!
Remember a time when church started, I went to the front and asked Bob to pray for me. I had a headache and I realized I didn’t need to sit there until he asked if anyone needed prayer. And you took it away immediately. Amazing.
One of your first healings to me was the healing of the rash on my hand. I put the need on a prayer card for the women to pray for me. I wasn’t even at the service, but my hand healed up.
The strange pain centered in my back and chest. You took care of that at church one Wednesday evening as I stood in the aisle. Someone named Teresa prayed for me. That has been troubling me more this week, but I know what you did.* (See more below about this.)
*As more time has gone by, this needs more record. This pain came back.
December, 97. One day I went to the church for prayer by some of the staff
people who were there. I got some relief but at church the next night, it became
so bad! could not remain in the service. I headed toward the restroom where I
could hurt in private, and met Bro. W. in the hall. I knew that was more than
coincidence. He was one of only. about ‘five people among that thousand or so
who were there that night who knew about my problem. He prayed for me again.
I went in the restroom and cried for a bit, then got relief. Only a trace of pain the
rest of the night. Then it was over. When I was at Karen’s in February this pain
came with vengeance. After a couple days, her pastor and his wife came and
prayed. That night there was slight pain. Then it was gone. I drove home the next day without pain. (About 350 miles) It came back this week. Again, I affirmed that you are taking care. I slept with my hand on your words in Ex. 15:26 “I am the Lord who healeth thee.” A day later I was in the car only about three or four minutes and some woman read that scripture on the radio. What timing! You astound me, Lord. It has been a long time since this pain. I never did know what it was. Maybe kidney infection or stones.
About 2006 or 2007 I had another issue with passing blood. It was a hard time for me. Too much detail to remember at this time, but it was an amazing thing the Lord did at that time. There was another issue regarding a “bump” that I feared was cancer. I have details on that somewhere but I’ll hold it – for now anyway. These issues were after Put Me in Remembrance was written, so they are not included.
Dear Readers, I hope I haven’t been excessive with these posts regarding my Lord as Healer in my life over the 55 years or so when I did not go to a doctor. But the rest of my story will not be significant to what I have learned if you do not understand the amazing walk in physical healing that I experienced. How did I finally come to the place where I had to say, “Even so, Lord, not my will but Thine be done?” And why do I run to the doctor at the drop of a hat now?
Continuing my talk with God, as recorded in Put Me In Remembrance, written about 2000. This was after many years of have God alone as my Healer, no doctor. And it was before 2012, when basically that all changed. But still what is written here is what I believed then and what I believe now. My actions have changed but I still believe what I believed then.
SOME GENERAL COMMENTS REGARDING SOME THINGS I’VE FOUND OUT ABOUT YOUR HEALINGS TO ME:
Many times you heal me almost immediately. At least within minutes. I most often,
however, have to really affirm my faith in you, knowing I can put up with some pain
to achieve the gain I get in trusting you. I think of the time something was hurting
me. I was standing at the mirror fixing my face. I sensed you asking me if the
pain was too much to bear. I said it was not; that I have your promise that nothing will come to me that is too much to bear. That has been one of the issues on which I place my trust in you. You always have come to my aid before it was too much. I do not believe you get joy out of allowing the pain to be great, but that principle has grown my faith. I have with tongue in cheek, said if you want me to be in a hospital, you can make me unconscious; then someone else can make the decision to send me. I really don’t think that will happen.
Just recently I realized, Lord, that I do not think of you as my doctor anymore. You are my healer. That is much different than a doctor.
I mentioned above about some problems have been recurring ones. Some would question whether or not you healed me if the problem came back. What I have found out about that. Almost every time you have healed me, the problem comes back within a short time, generally much less severe. My first impulse is to fear and question the healing. Then I realize I am just being tested, or maybe it is a reminder to say thanks again, or maybe it is a trick of the devil. As I write that last possibility, I find that my spirit counteracts that. That is interesting. I feel like that cannot be a possibility. In fact tears are flowing as I realize he has nothing to do with the marvel of your care for me. I’m surprised because he did come against Job. I do have some learning to do on this, don’t I?
Another thing I have noticed. When a person goes to a doctor and takes medicine, he allows time for the medicine to work. If the problem comes back, he goes back to the doctor to get more medicine. No one says the medicine didn’t work or the doctor didn’t help him. Why say you didn’t heal if the problem comes back? I more than likely keep up the same behavior which caused the problem the first time. When it causes me to have the same illness again; it doesn’t mean you didn’t heal me. I just have to go back again. For example, I know I do not drink enough water. That is probably the cause of the recurring bladder problem. I weigh too much. That likely causes some of the knee problem. Jesus, I marvel that you continue to rescue me.
Lord, about the things I accept from the “medical” world. I ‘wear glasses, take
aspirin for headaches, take vitamin C. I guess just because I consider those
things as being minor enough for man to do.
If I were to be injured and have broken bones or see the blood flow, I would
probably race to the hospital. I would like to have the kind of faith that could
sustain in those times, but I doubt that I do. Maybe I figure the doctors can do
that. But in my head I know you could too. I don’t want to be tested on this. I
just cling to “no more than I can bear”. You know how much that is, I don’t. And
when I say that, I’m not talking about physical pain, I’m talking about being able to
keep my faith in you and you alone.
One thing that bothers me is this. I do not feel secure in letting others know about
my not having a doctor. There are so many warnings and dire predictions about
having check ups, getting flu shots, and all that stuff. I sit quietly through all that
mum as a mouse until someone says, “Who’s your doctor?” If I say, I don’t have one.” They say, “You’d better get one.” If I tell about you, I feel bad – like I’m
boasting or like I feel that I am super holy. I find that it is much easier to have
faith in you if I don’t talk about it. You know about some of the maladies I have
which you have not removed. I see them as things which keep me close to you;
others would see me as a fool. So I just pray no one notices. Cowardly, huh?
And another thing. Why do I pay for health insurance? Is that kind of like my
treasuring my sick leave days? Well, these are some things which keep me
doing that. First, I don’t want the issue brought up (as discussed above).
Second, I think it is a part of “communal” living, sort of being a good citizen.
Third, I am not absolutely sure that I will never need it. I think I will not, but you
alone know. I have found that your sovereign will goes beyond what I think.
(More about this later.) I do not have faith in my faith; my faith is in you. What-
ever your will is, so be it. And last, I love to know that when I make a decision
not to go to the doctor, it has nothing to do with trying to save money. Without
insurance, that would be a big issue.
l conflict about the issue of the Church being almost entirely accepting of
Christians relying on the medical community. I don’t want to be critical and I do
acknowledge that you are responsible for all good things. I know there are God-
called Christian doctors, BUT. .. I always come out with a BUT. .. Your word is so
clear that you want and enjoy being a healer. “It is better,” you say. I so much enjoy being
dependent on you. Who is going to teach my grandchildren about divine
healing? Who will show them that it is more than a theological premise? An
inspiring sermon topic? As medical science becomes more efficient, our
reliance shifts to it. I’m sorry, Lord.
There are many times when people are prayed for; then they go right on to the
doctor and never know what you would have done without the doctor. One
time I asked a woman what happened after she was prayed for. She said she
was getting better but she didn’t know how much you had done because she
had started taking her medicine. I know the argument could be made that that
was your way of healing her, but I really don’t believe it. I think the glory was
given to man instead of you. I believe you will give the desires of the heart. If
we desire doctors, we get doctors; if we desire you, we get you.
The only scripture that really helps me relating to people turning to doctors is Psalms
118:7 The Lord taketh my part with them that help me. But then the very next
verse is the “it is better” passage. How often you must be sold out! Makes YOU
I found it rather amusing and somewhat distressing some time ago when a
person who had prayed for me, asked me later if I had gone to the doctor to see
what was wrong! Sometimes I find curiosity is a powerful motive to see a doctor.
I guess there must be something about us that likes the attention we can get if
we can name our disease. Reminds me of the tombstone epitaph that said, “I told you I was sick!” Isn’t that funny? Lord, I love you. I sit here and cry at the
idea I told you a joke. You are so precious, my Lord and my Love.
What about those who believe, yet die? Elisha, the great miracle worker, died from an illness. You are God. Most of those who really have that belief in you, seem to be satisfied with the option to just go on to you although they are certainly not ready to give up this life. Those I know have gone in peace.
I ask you, Lord, to give Carl special grace and excellent wisdom in his work with hospice people. Help him to be able to extend your grace and peace to those who have to turn loose this life. Keep your dear children who are in that situation.
I affirm to you that my faith is in you as my healer; faith in faith is nothing. Was
that what happened that night so many years ago, when that baby died? After
praying for that child, my heart sang with rejoicing as I believed you had healed
her. She died. (Roger is here, I have to go. There’s more to the story. I’II be
back) … I’m back. Let me go on. About the baby who died. Do you remember?
She was born with cancer. They said it was almost the size of a grapefruit – in
her stomach. I don’t know why I so sincerely and joyfully believed she would be
healed. I had prayed. I thought the answer came from you; I thought you had
healed her. It was a blow when I found out she had died. It shook me, but, you
know, Lord, somehow it didn’t shake my faith in you; it just shook my faith in my
faith. I can’t explain it. I only know that after that I always knew that it didn’t
matter what I felt like, you were still God and you would be God forevermore
doing what is necessary for the good of your kingdom. So many things I don’t
understand but as time has gone on I have seen some reasons why what
happened might have happened. But overall I would like the baby to have lived.
Could I have taken it with grace had she been my own dear child? By the way, I
don’t know whether or not I have ever said thanks because her mother did not
have cancer, that she was well and healthy. She has raised two other children
for you. Thank you for that, Jesus.
I believe you gave me some insight on the healing power of communion. Take,
eat. This is my body which is broken for you. As I take the bread, I thank you for
the fact that it will be utilized by every cell of my body. What a medicine! I get
so upset every time I read the passage about Pilate saying you were an innocent
man – yet he offers you up for beatings. I guess that had to be for the healing of
my body. Your precious body broken and beaten for my healing; your precious
blood given for my salvation. The bread and the wine. Jesus, precious Jesus.
Thanks for bringing me through that “bad spell” this spring. Suffice it to say, I
really believed I was having a heart attack. I’m hesitant to write this because if
anyone besides you reads this, they would be so troubled because I “didn’t do
anything,” meaning I didn’t go to a doctor. But, yes, I “did something”. I trusted.
Trust seems on the surface to be an inactive verb. It is not. I talk to students
about “active” reading; I tell them to put their minds to it. That’s also trust. (No record of what you have done for me can be near fair if I cannot write about that experience;
but I’m having a hard time. Please help me.) Every concern pounded my mind. Family
first. How upset they would be if I did die! They would be mad at me and maybe
you, too. (Hey, I finally used that word – die. I’m making some progress.) Legal matters.
Nothing is ready. What about all my stuff? I needed to get rid of excess. Who
will know which of my books is worth something? Hope they don’t go in a
garage sale for fifty cents each! (I’m getting into this a bit more now. It can even be
somewhat humorous.) I wanted to lose some weight before going to heaven. I’d
hate to be overweight forevermore. Of course when I get there I’ll be compared
to Rembrandt’s ladies, rather than Hollywood’s. (I told you I was beginning to get
funny about this.)
I said trust is an active verb. So, how did I act? First, I had to lay aside panic.
You did not give me a spirit of fear, II Tim 1 :7. What I was afraid of, was that it
would get worse. I remembered my “is it more than you can bear” experience.
Did I still believe it? Yes, I did. I Cor 10: 13. Churchill – no, I think, Roosevelt
said, “The only thing we have to fear, is fear itself.” is not true. We have to fear
the things our fears may make us do. Would my fear make me turn to man,
rather than you. Was I afraid of man? No, I don’t think so; there are a lot of
successful heart surgeries. It was just that I did not want to give up my
dependence on you for my health. I didn’t think of this scripture, but it is a good
one – Ps 56:3 & 4 What time I am afraid, I will trust in thee. In God I will praise
his word, in God I have put my trust... How many times the Psalms say to trust
in you! Rest in you! Delight in you’ Commit to you!
In God, I will praise his word ... That brings me to my next action. As Samuel
encouraged himself in the Lord his God 1 Samuel 30:6, I also encouraged my-
self in you by remembering your past healings to me and reminding myself of
your word, particularly those I have already mentioned.
Clyde had a heart attack ten years ago. Karen told me he said he knew he was
not going to die when he read Ps 115: 17 The dead praise not the Lord, neither
any that go down into silence. These scriptures became healing to me.
Ps 118: 17 I shall not die, but live, and declare the works of the Lord.
Ps 9:13 & 14 ... thou that fittest me up from the gates of death; that I may shew
forth all thy praise in the gates of the daughter of Zion… (I had been going to the
church pretty regularly to pray. I felt that it really mattered to you that I come to worship you. That thought leaves me speechless. I feel like Job when he said he would cover his lips. He had nothing more to say. You care that I come to talk to you!)
Ps 150:6 Let every thing that hath breath praise the Lord. Praise ye the Lord.
Ps 56: 13 For thou hast delivered my soul from death: wilt not thou deliver my
feet from falling, that I may walk before God in the light of the living?
Ps 119: 116 Uphold me according to thy word, that I may live
Ps 119: 175 Let my soul live, and it shall praise thee …
This line from a worship chorus took on added meaning: The reason I live is to
worship thee. The reason I live is to worship thee, AND I worship thee is the
reason I live.
Isaiah 38: 18 -20 For the grave cannot praise thee, death can not celebrate thee;
… The living, the living, he shall praise thee, as I do this day; … The Lord was
ready to save me: therefore I will sing my songs … all the days of my life in the
house of the Lord. (verse personalized)
Jeremiah 17: 14 Heal me, 0 Lord, and I shall be healed; save me and I shall be
saved: for thou art my praise.
I have said at previous times that I have never been too sick to go to church or to
fulfill necessary obligations. I ran across this scripture. Ps. 61:7 & 8 I shall
abide before God for ever: 0 prepare mercy and truth which may preserve me.
So will I sing praise unto thy name for ever, that I may daily perform my vows.
(verse personalized) Now I don’t really know that means that I may perform my
duties or obligations but it seems that way to me. I know that, although I was
sick for a period of days (probably three or four), I did not miss doing what I
needed to do.
I hardly have words to put to my thoughts right now, but I’ll try. There is lots of
talk about “whatsoever ye say, it shall come to pass” if you believe. (Mark 11 :23)
It has to be right, your word says it. But don’t actions speak louder than words!
How can one trust you for healing and plan to be sick at the same time!
Don’t set the alarm for Sunday morning because I’m sick Saturday night.
Call in sick leave for the rest of the week because I have a terrible cold.
Make an appointment with a doctor because I have a pain.
Take an aspirin because I don’t want to hurt.
Schedule my annual check-up. (That one really gets me. I’m okay today but I
might not be tomorrow!)
Tell hubby to eat before he comes home because I’m sick.
Tell the CE Director I won’t be able to teach next quarter because “my
health is going downhill”.
Pay umpteen dollars for extended health benefits.
Pay enough at the health food store for the owner to go to Hawaii.
Go to the spa eight hours a week for my health’s sake; pray eight minutes
a week for my health’s sake.
But all the while, we are trusting, speaking, quoting your word, and teaching
divine healing! Would I have been better off not to put words to all those
thoughts?!! Well, at least I didn’t list taking diet pills to keep me from being too
Getting back to the subject of death. Some people seem to be willing to go
through anything to prolong death; others would rather die than be in extended
pain; some suicides indicate some people would even rather die than lose their
independence or be unhappy. I somewhat understand all of that, but basically I
don’t want to die until you’re ready to take me, neither do I want to live after
I think there are few things as tragic as a Christian staying alive
on life support, yet I don’t think I could “pull the plug” on anyone, There is a
saying “Oh, what a tangled web we weave, when first we practice to deceive.”
I say, Oh, what a tangled web begun, when half-true lies fell from the serpent’s tongue!
The “tree to be desired to make one wise” has resulted in such a tangle of
technology! “Ye shall be as gods, knowing good from evil” was the enticement
but the line between good and evil seems to be beyond man’s judgment. Where
does the wisdom relating to good and evil come in, in cloning? Even worse, the
reaping of fetus organs! But man’s response is “Look how many lives we can
And increasing the average life span of man is the most noble goal in the
medical community. How much is that average raised by medicated, drugged
and distressed men and women lying in hospitals and rest homes? If aborted
babies were figured in, with zero life spans, we would not have achieved much!
How much I want to be in your hands, the ultimate in wisdom, love, mercy and
judgment! (Lord, I remind myself this was to be a paper of my remembrances of your mercies to me. I got on a kick there, didn’t I?)
What of the future? I don’t know. I’ve said before, I don’t know that I’ll not go to
a doctor – today even. My choice or yours. I believe that is your plan sometimes.
Even within the last month, I suggested that someone go be checked out before
his insurance was canceled because of a job change, I told someone else not to
feel guilty because of continuing her medication, I advised someone else to sell
some property to pay for heart surgery. I have never told anyone to throw them-
selves on you and you alone. Am I a chicken? I did tell someone that if you give
them a promise – a scripture to stand on, then stand on it. That is what you did
for me with the “it is better‘ scripture.
Lord, I have been on this subject so long. How much more do I have to
experience on the healing issue? I have no idea. Maybe “II be back for more
but, then, on the other hand, perhaps I’ll never have another pain. I might get
some answers for these present issues which I have in your care. If so, I’ll come
back and add some more. How nice computers are! How wonderful you are! My
story has not ended.
Continuing My Story of Healing. From sometime about 1960 when Roger was born to 2012, God healed me in amazing ways. I had a doctor only on paper for work purposes, insurance, etc. Never went to one. About 2010 or something like that a growth began in my stomach area. It continued growing, I ignored it as long as I could. My sister, Verna, first confronted me. I sought out friends to pray for me when I finally had to confess to having a problem. The “tumor” continued growing. My family and friends were very concerned but I turned a deaf ear to them. So I entered a period of sickness in 2012, sure that God would heal me if I just continued to place my trust in him and not seek medical help. The “tumor” did not hurt and I was not sick.
In April I had gone on a “field trip” with other seniors at my church. We ate at a Mexican Restaurant. I could not get through my meal. Went to the restroom and vomited. We were in a van. The driver had to stop a couple of times for me to get out and vomit. At least one of those times we were in a very nice neighborhood and I was polluting their street in a unsightly manner. I was humiliated beyond belief. My friends were kind; they lovingly put up with the situation. I think someone finally found me a Walmart bag or something that helped a bit. I’ve forgotten some details.
For seven months after that I was violently ill. Almost every day I would get sick and be in pain beginning mid afternoon until I could finally get relief by vomiting, generally about midnight to two o’clock am. My mornings were normal without pain. I lost about seventy pounds in those seven months dropping from over 200 pounds to 139. Very few supported my determination to not see a doctor. Sammy urged me to go, but honored my decision.
I did seek God for an answer, but the only scripture that stuck in my mind was “Wait on the Lord: be of good courage, and he shall strengthen thine heart: wait, I say, on the Lord.” Psalms 27:14 along with the feeling that I would bring honor to God’s name if I could wait it out.
In November I gave in and told Sammy to make an appointment with the doctor. When I did it seemed as though the “Wait on the Lord…” scripture faded and was replaced with words from Philippians 1:6 “I will fulfill what I have begun in you..” I believe this is somewhat out of context but it is still what came to me and helped me cope with my “crash” in consenting to go to the doctor.
The “tumor” was a hernia. My age was an issue so I had to jump through loops to get an operation. In that process, I was informed of heart issues. The surgery successfully removed the cause of my sickness.
Enough for today. I will be back to tell about the “side effects” of my decision to go to the doctor. Questions, doubts, and God’s faithful love and patience with me.
Once the hernia crises had passed and I was no longer “laying in wait” for my Jesus Healer, I felt more at ease and probably became open for the “fiery darts” from the devil.
I made an appointment with the cardiologist to deal with the heart issue but on appointment day their office was closed because of flooding. I didn’t make another appointment. I recognized that the Lord had kept me through heart problems up to then, so why bother. (Reference incident recorded in More Healings) It was amazing that with my family’s history of heart attacks and my history of being overweight, I didn’t even have high blood pressure! So I relaxed and I didn’t pray about it much either.
So I went to sleep in Zion (a bit of Christianize speech meaning I pretty much quite praying about it because it didn’t hurt). One does not have to be long in that condition before spiritual issues began to develop. Questions. Oh, God, did I let you down? Oh, Lord, will I ever have such bonding with you as I had when I hurt and you were my only refuge? Oh, Lord, was I wrong, did I misread you? Should I have toughed it out a few more days?
God was patient and faithful in amazing ways even in my storm. The scripture about “his completing the work he had started with me” was my foundation. In June of that year (four months after the surgery) I had another health issue – I’m not going into the details, too embarrassing (clue, hemorrhoids). Never an issue before. Sunday morning pray time, I was standing praying my myself. I was instantly healed. It was just as if he said to me, “I am still your healer.” (Oh, God, you are so surprisingly wonderful! I cry with joy while writing this six years later.) Yes, He was still my healer! Another thing, I was pleased that it was a healing I didn’t even want to talk about because of the subject. I told my sister; I don’t remember telling anybody else. That felt good – another secret with Jesus. (Who ever stood up in a testimony service and said, “Praise God, he healed my hemorrhoids? :D)
So now I’ve told the whole world. Only because I am convinced that it is a story that God wants known by someone out there. I say “Don’t think you ever get out of the shelter of his love! It might take a while for him to keep you on the potter’s wheel (more Christianize), but he is making something beautiful out of you!”
But I was still on the potter’s wheel!
More to come later.
More of my healing story. I left off at being on the Potter’s Wheel. God had so graciously proven to me that just because I chose to go a doctor did not mean he was not STILL MY HEALER. In fact he set me up for another miracle healing to prove it. (last post)
In spite of everything I had nagging doubts about whether I had “snubbed” Him by making the choice for the surgery – by settling for less than the best. But that didn’t last long. That healing was in June. The end of June, I went to Colorado to a family reunion. That was when he removed all doubt about whether or not to choose the medical route.
In my Things I’ve Found Out.. (remember I am addressing God) I began with this paragraph:
Many times you heal me almost immediately. At least within minutes. I most often, however, have to really affirm my faith in you, knowing I can put up with some pain to achieve the gain I get in trusting you. I think of the time something was hurting me. I was standing at the mirror fixing my face. I sensed you asking me if the pain was too much to bear. I said it was not; that I have your promise that nothing will come to me that is too much to bear. That has been one of the issues on which I place my trust in you. You always have come to my aid before it was too much. I do not believe you get joy out of allowing the pain to be great, but that principle has grown my faith. I have with tongue in cheek, said if you want me to be in a hospital, you can make me unconscious; then someone else can make the decision to send me. I really don’t think that will happen.
THAT’S EXACTLY WHAT HE DID!
So, Dear Readers, that brings me up to the “near death” experience, about which I have written in “Why Me, Lord?” I will re-post it tomorrow. It was two years before I could blog about this experience. It took even longer for me to blog about what happened to me as I lay on that operating table, what I saw, heard, …. and how close I believe I was to heaven. It was too intense; too personal, I had to have time to internalize it before I could put it out to the public with the doubters, naysayers, and such. I can’t find where I blogged it. But I’m looking; when I find it I will re-post; bloggers change.